


Vocaloid & UTAU drabbles

by KB9VCN



Category: UTAU, Vocaloid
Genre: Drabble Collection, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2008-01-06
Updated: 2018-05-18
Packaged: 2018-05-22 13:16:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 144
Words: 15,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6080781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KB9VCN/pseuds/KB9VCN
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Published 6-Jan-2008; humor; 100 words.</p><p>For the <a href="http://31-days.livejournal.com/"><strong>31_days</strong></a> "<a href="http://community.livejournal.com/31_days/1361030.html">ambiguity</a>" prompt.</p>
          </blockquote>





	1. Pitch Correction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 6-Jan-2008; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[ambiguity](http://community.livejournal.com/31_days/1361030.html)" prompt.

Miku was sitting in a recording studio lounge, apparently near tears, clutching a newspaper.

A studio recording engineer walked up. "What's wrong, Miss Hatsune?" he asked kindly.

"It's this review of my new song!" Miku cried. "The reviewer just kept saying my voice was digitally processed!"

The engineer blinked. "Uh—"

"I know we pitch-corrected some missed notes," Miku said tearfully, "but only a few! And everybody does that, these days! I'm not that bad a singer... am I!?"

"Miss Hatsune?" the engineer said patiently. "You're a computer program. Your voice is ALWAYS digitally processed."

"...oh," Miku said. "Um... never mind."


	2. Leekspun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 23-Jan-2008; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[if music is the food of love, play on](http://community.livejournal.com/31_days/1361030.html)" prompt.

Two fan-boys spotted a green-haired girl in a restaurant. "Isn't that Hatsune Miku?" one fan-boy said. "I've got to meet her!"

"You shouldn't disturb her during her lunch," the other fan-boy said.

Ignoring him, the first fan-boy walked up to Miku's table. "Miss Hatsune?" he said. "Excuse me, but I just wanted to say that I love your music!"

"HHHELLO!" Miku said cheerfully, breathing on the fan-boy. "I'm HHHAPPY to meet you!"

The fan-boy passed out.

_I wonder why my fans keep passing out_ , Miku thought to herself, as she returned to her leek soup, leek sandwich, and leek-flavored ice-cream.


	3. ZA WARUDO

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 2-Mar-2008; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[running up the tracks for a head-on collision](http://community.livejournal.com/31_days/1506131.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains slapstick violence. Reader discretion is advised.

After another day in the studio, Miku and Len waited outside a parking garage while Rin fetched her road-roller.

A car suddenly pulled off the street and ran up the garage exit ramp. Its screeching tires echoed in the garage.

"Didn't that car just pull in the exit ramp?" Miku asked.

"Yup," said Len.

"And isn't that the exit ramp that Rin uses?" Miku asked.

"Yup," said Len.

Miku and Len suddenly heard a horrific crushing sound.

"WRYYYY?" asked Miku.

"Yup," said Len.

"We're gonna have to record a benefit album," Miku said sadly, "just to pay for Rin's insurance."


	4. There's A Bird On Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 30-Mar-2008; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[pitching at birds](http://community.livejournal.com/31_days/1506131.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains extreme silliness. Reader discretion is advised.

Miku and Rin were walking through a park, and using their inhuman singing abilities to imitate the birds in the trees.

A canary answered Miku's song, and landed on Miku's shoulder. "Oh! What a cute little bird!" Rin said. "And it's so tame!... What's wrong, Miku?"

"Its talons are razor-sharp," Miku gasped, "and they're digging into my flesh!"

"Oh, come on!" Rin giggled. "It's so tiny!"

"But it really hurts!!" Miku cried tearfully.

"Well, in that case, I'll shoo it away— OUCH!!" Rin swung her hand at the bird, only to get pecked.

"Call Animal Control," a terrified Miku whimpered.


	5. Rainbow Girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 9-Apr-2008; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[rainbows and puddles](http://community.livejournal.com/31_days/1549763.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also "Rainbow Girl" "by" Hatsune Miku.

Kaito and Meiko were standing outside, enjoying the cool fresh air after an early evening summer rain.

Meiko suddenly pointed. "Look! A rainbow!... Ooh, it's becoming a full bright one."

"Evening rainfall can be wonderful," said Kaito.

Miku walked up, soaked to the bone, and looking like a sad bedraggled kitten after a bath.

"...except when you get caught out in it," Meiko noted.

Miku suddenly shook herself like a cat. Rainwater flew from her long hair, splashing both Kaito and Meiko.

Kaito fussily dabbed at himself with his scarf. "Miku?" he said in a pained voice. "We have towels."


	6. Bag Your Pipes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 18-June-2008; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[where the Irish bagpipes drone](http://community.livejournal.com/31_days/1634356.html)" prompt.

Miku and Rin were recording together when a horrible wailing sound suddenly drowned out their instrumental backing tracks.

"Is that feedback!?" Miku asked as she covered her ears.

"It sounds like a camel ran into an electric fence," Rin said.

A bored Len slowly walked through their studio, tunelessly honking on bagpipes that he had apparently found in another studio.

"He should stick to vocals," Miku noted.

"Miku?" said Rin. "I'll distract him while you grab those bagpipes, and then we'll run over them with my road-roller and put them out of their misery."

"Agreed," an unusually evil Miku said.


	7. Eat The Music

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 4-Jul-2008; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[new ways, old things](http://community.livejournal.com/31_days/1685108.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also "Eat The Music" by Kate Bush.

Miku saw her picture on a large cardboard sleeve on a record company marketing executive's desk. "What's that?" she asked.

The executive handed the sleeve to Miku. "A new promotional item. You can have it if you like it."

"Thank you." Miku pulled a vinyl album out of the sleeve, turned it in her hands— and suddenly took a big bite out of it.

The executive grimaced. "Ah. Somebody needs to explain what a vinyl album is to our all-digital music phenomenon."

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Miku asked around a mouthful of record. "This tastes terrible!"


	8. Operated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 21-Jul-2008; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[voicing out the words he cannot say](http://community.livejournal.com/31_days/1685108.html)" prompt.
> 
> Prima rarely appears in Japanese Vocaloid fan-works; assuming she has a fanon personality, she might be somewhat OOC here.
> 
> This contains cheesy adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Kaito found Prima studying a libretto. "I wish I could sing Italian opera," he said wistfully.

"Why don't you try singing this?" Prima said, handing him the libretto. "It's not so difficult."

Kaito narrowed his eyes, cleared his throat, and half-spoke, half-sang a line in a thick Japanese accent. " _una voce poco fa qui nel cor mi risuono'; il mio cor ferito e' gia'_ —"

Prima giggled, grabbed Kaito and gave him a hug. "You are SO CUTE!!" she said, in a teasing matronly way.

"* _bbl bbl bbl_ *" said Kaito, temporarily unable to pronounce anything with his face against Prima's bosom.


	9. The 27 Tracks Of Her Tears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 6-Aug-2008; angst/humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[twenty-seven names for tears](http://community.livejournal.com/31_days/1720454.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains ;_; . Reader discretion is advised.

Meiko was watching another Vocaloid in the studio, from a seat in the corner of the engineer's booth.

Miku walked up and sat beside her. "How's she doing?" Miku whispered.

"Listen for yourself," Meiko said grimly.

"'The Tracks Of My Tears'— Take twenty-seven," the extremely patient recording engineer announced.

Haku did her very best, but she quickly choked. " _People say I'm the life of the par_ -TEE-eee?... WHAAH!!"

"It looks like we have another long night of comfort and heavy drinking ahead of us," a resigned Miku said.

"If you'll help with the comfort," Meiko said kindly, "I'll bring the saké."


	10. Jingle Jangle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 20-Aug-2008; angst?/humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[I am to be pitied, not to be sold](http://community.livejournal.com/31_days/1720454.html)" prompt.

An emotional Miku left the recording studio, and walked up to Rin. "What's wrong, Miku?" asked Rin.

"It's the song I was just recording," Miku sniffled. "It was so sad! Expectations were unmet! Hopes were dashed! Even when you do your very best, sometimes you're doomed to fail!!"

Rin pulled a face. "Um, Miku? You were recording an advertising jingle for a kitchen cleanser. The competitors' products are supposed to fail."

"When our day-to-day problems are so difficult," Miku cried, "how can we find happiness in a bottle of soapy water!?"

"You're taking your work too seriously again," Rin noted.


	11. Y Kant Miku Read

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 12-Dec-2008; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[those who early loved in vain](http://community.livejournal.com/31_days/1912785.html)" prompt.
> 
> Many artists have [an embarrassing first album](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Y_Kant_Tori_Read_\(album\)).

A smirking Rin held up a small box to Miku. "Look what I've got," Rin said.

Miku read the box's label and gasped. "GAH!! The masters of my awful never-released first album!! I thought they'd been destroyed!!"

"The studio archivist found this backup copy," Rin said smugly. "By the way, I've listened to it."

Miku gulped. "And?..."

Rin shook her head.

Miku hung her head. "What do you want in exchange for never releasing it to the public?"

"Oh," Rin said casually, "I think you need to become my personal slave for a few weeks."

"That's fair," Miku agreed readily.


	12. Tsundereloid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 19-Feb-2009; angst?/humor; 200 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days_exchnge**](http://31-days-exchnge.livejournal.com/) "They were well received" prompt.

Neru stomped off stage. She pushed and shoved her way to her back-stage room, where her manager was waiting.

"Bad night?" her manager asked unnecessarily.

"The worst!" Neru shouted, fighting back angry tears. "The audience LOVED Miku! They always love cute li'l MEE-KOO!!"

"That's true," her manager said," but she's such a sweet girl. She has a much better attitude than—"

"SHUT UP!!" Neru yelled. "And they gave Kaito and Meiko a 'standing O'! And they went crazy for the 'Wonder Twins'!!"

Her manager tried again. "Len and Rin's enthusiasm is contagious—"

"Oh, who CARES!?" Neru said. "Even Haku got a round of applause! And that has-been can't carry a tune in a bucket!!"

"Yes," her manager said, "but she tries to please the audience."

"What good does that do!?" Neru growled.

"Quite a lot, actually," her manager said. "You should try it sometime—"

Neru cut her off. "Can this wait? I just got a text message."

Her manager turned away. "You can get another manager, while you're at it," she grumbled to herself.

A moment later, Neru looked up from her phone, and found herself alone in her room.

"...why doesn't anybody like me?" a suddenly _dere_ Neru sniffled.


	13. Tie Me Vocaloid Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 9-Jul-2010; humor/romance?; 100 words.
> 
> For the  
>  [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[Hold me close. Tie me down, sir.](http://31-days.livejournal.com/2542381.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also "Tie Me Kangaroo Down, Sport" by Rolf Harris.
> 
> This contains mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

After sharing a romantic dinner at home with Gakupo, Luka snuggled up against him. "I think I could get used to this domestic lifestyle," she said.

"I did not think such a fiercely independent young woman as yourself would consider being tied down," Gakupo said.

"It might not be so bad..." Luka suddenly snapped to attention. "Wait, what are you talking about!?"

Gakupo raised an eyebrow. "What do you think?"

"Either the literal kinky meaning," Luka stammered, "or a metaphor for muh— muh— the 'M' word?..."

"Which worries you more?" an amused Gakupo asked.

"I do not know," Luka admitted.


	14. Coffeehouse Proud

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 10-Jul-2010; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[Hope the city voted for you](http://31-days.livejournal.com/2542381.html)" prompt.

Teto ran into Ruko's coffee house and spread a newspaper clipping on the counter in front of Ruko.

"Look!" Teto said. "Your coffee house is one of the finalists in this year's 'Best Of Vocalotown' contest!"

A frowning Ruko glanced over the clipping. "Hmm," she said. "Well, that's no good."

"What do you mean?" Teto asked. "Don't you want people to vote for your coffee?"

"No, not really," said Ruko.

"But why not!?" Teto cried.

"I want people to DRINK my coffee," Ruko said.

Teto slowly smiled. "In that case... a small decaf, please."

Ruko smiled back. "Coming right up."


	15. I Sing The Body Electric

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 19-Jul-2010; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[She's got electric boobs](http://31-days.livejournal.com/2542381.html)" prompt.

Luka was modeling a skin-tight and spiky metallic outfit for Miku. "How do I look?" Luka asked.

"Like a Hajime Sorayama pin-up," Miku said. "Are you actually going to wear that on stage?"

"Yup," said Luka. "And watch this!" Blue bolts of electricity suddenly flew from Luka's chest.

Miku cowered. "YEEEK!! ...OK, that effect should earn you some attention. But isn't it dangerous?"

Luka smiled in a deeply disturbing way. "Only if you're a certain eggplant-eating samurai who can't keep his hands to himself."

_Poor Gakupo_ , thought Miku. _And I just thought the "Ggrks" fork in his hand was mean_.


	16. The Piano Has Been Drinking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 21-Jul-2010; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[Some say monkeys play piano well](http://31-days.livejournal.com/2542381.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also "The Piano Has Been Drinking" by Tom Waits.

Kaito sat at a studio mixing board, playing back a cacophonous piano instrumental.

Meiko walked up, covering her ears. "Are you stress-testing the studio monitors?"

"That's Haku," Kaito said. "I asked her permission to record her taking out her frustration on a piano while she was drunk."

"I thought it was a monkey having a seizure," Meiko said. "Why would you record something like that?"

"Haku is a failed popular singer," Kaito said kindly, "but she could have a second career in academia, in avant-garde improvisational composition."

"...you are a thoughtful man," an impressed Meiko said, "and a brilliant producer."


	17. Arnold Lame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 25-Jul-2010; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[watch her scream, kicking the dancing queen](http://31-days.livejournal.com/2542381.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also "Arnold Layne" by Pink Floyd.
> 
> This contains slapstick violence and mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Teto walked out of her bathroom in her underwear, and found Ritsu wearing the clothes she'd laid out for herself. "How do I look?" he asked.

"Like a cross-dressing clothes-thief," Teto said. "Take 'em off, drag-queen."

"Aw, so soon?" Ritsu said, playfully prancing around. "Catch me first— AAUGH!!"

"GIVE IT!!" Teto lunged at Ritsu, knocked him to the floor, and began undressing him.

And then, Momo walked in. "Oh, my... Um, don't mind me. Please, continue."

"The worst part," Teto said, "is that I'm more embarrassed than he is."

"Embarrassed about what?" Ritsu asked earnestly, just before being rendered unconscious.


	18. Text Vexed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 28-Jul-2010; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[Who ya gonna call? Those bastards!](http://31-days.livejournal.com/2542381.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains mild adult language. Reader discretion is advised.

Haku walked up to Neru. "Good morn—" Haku started to say.

"Hang on," Neru said rudely, "I'm getting a text from Miku... that bitch!! She went shopping without me!!"

Haku tried again. "Good mo—"

"Text from Len," Neru snapped. "...that bastard!! He and Rin went to the amusement park without me!!"

"Why don't you ask to go along?" Haku asked kindly.

"As if!!" Neru said. "Who'd want to hang out with those losers?"

"Then why don't you just stop reading their messages?"

"If I do that," Neru whined, "I won't know what's going on!!"

_I need a drink_ , Haku thought.


	19. Tsun Here, Tsun Dere

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 29-Jul-2010; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[You gave love a Band-Aid](http://31-days.livejournal.com/2542381.html)" prompt.
> 
> Suh- stupid Vocaloids! It's not like *I* care if most of you are _tsundere_!

Miki and Gumi found Miku sitting by the door and holding a first-aid kit in her lap.

"Is somebody hurt?" an alarmed Gumi asked.

"No," Miku said, "but Kaito and Meiko are on a date, and so are Gakupo and Luka. And Len is hanging out with Rin and Teto."

"Why is that a problem?" Miki asked.

"What do those girls have in common?" Miku asked patiently.

"...oh," said Gumi. "They're all _tsundere_! Oh, those poor boys."

"Suh- stupid boys!" Miki stammered. "It's not like *I* care what happens to them!"

"They're everywhere," a suddenly terrified Gumi whispered to Miku.


	20. Gravy Training

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 30-Jul-2010; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[You made the rice, I made the gravy, but it just may be some tuna fish you're lookin' for](http://31-days.livejournal.com/2542381.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains Sonika abuse. Reader discretion is advised.

Sonika was concentrating on using a pair of chopsticks, but completely failing to eat anything from a sushi tray.

Sweet Ann and Big Al walked up, carrying their lunches. "Still 'turning Japanese', eh?" Al asked, teasing Sonika.

"What's it to you, 'Frankenstein'?" a surly Sonika said.

"You need some eatin' food, girl!" Ann said. Without warning, she smothered Sonika's sushi with extra chicken-fried gravy from her own lunch.

"Now," said Ann, "don't that look gooooood?"

Sonika's face turned as green as her hair. She turned and ran for the nearest bathroom.

"She didn't even try my _lutefisk_ ," Al said sadly.


	21. Holding Pattern

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 4-Nov-2015; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[difficult to hold it](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3136944.html)" prompt.

A sleepy Ruko picked up her coffee and a bagel, and paused. "Oops. Forgot my phone."

She set down her coffee and picked up her phone, and paused. "Oops. Forgot my coffee."

She set down her bagel and picked up her coffee, and paused. "Oops. Forgot my bagel."

She set down her phone and picked up her bagel, and paused. "Oops. Forgot my phone..."

—

A bemused Teto and Ritsu watched Ruko's antics.

"How long do you think she'll be stuck in that infinite loop?" Ritsu asked.

"It could be awhile," Teto said. "After all, she hasn't had her coffee yet."


	22. Comet And Cupid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 5-Nov-2015; humor/romance?; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[a comet](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3136944.html)" prompt.

Piko was working on his computer while Miki lounged on his bed and read astronomy news.

"Have you read about the comet probe?" Miki asked. "It found evidence of the 'building blocks' of life."

"Mmm," said a preoccupied Piko.

"Just think, Piko," said Miki. "All life on Earth might have originated from a single comet impact."

"Mmm," Piko said again.

Miki sighed. "I wish a comet would crash into this room. Maybe it'd bring some LIFE with it."

Piko spun around in his chair, leaned over Miki, and planted one on her. "Better?" he asked.

"Mmm," said a blushing Miki.


	23. Threadbare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 6-Nov-2015; humor; 200 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[not too shabby](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3136944.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains women who literally can't keep their clothes on. Reader discretion is advised.

Cul was modeling a hand-sewn outfit for Gumi. "What do you think?" Cul asked.

"Not too shabby," an impressed Gumi said. "Did you make it yourself?"

"Yep," Cul said proudly. "Kokone has been teaching me how to sew."

"...oh, there's a loose thread," Gumi said. "Hold still for a moment." She grabbed the thread and yanked on it. The thread came free— and then Cul's outfit fell apart. Cul cowered with a shriek and tried to cover herself.

"Oops," said Gumi. "Sorry about that... but your sewing technique needs work."

Lily walked up, wearing her usual open top, microskirt, boots and bondage gear. "Lookin' good, Cul," she said.

"I didn't dress like this on purpose!" Cul cried. "Gumi tore my clothes to pieces!"

Lily's eyes widened. "Gumi? That's seriously perverted, even for us."

"It was an accident, Lily," said Cul. "Still, I think that nerd needs a taste of her own medicine. Wanna help?"

"Oh, absolutely." Lily and Cul playfully pounced on Gumi.

And then, Gakupo and Kokone walked up, to find a half-naked Cul and a half-naked Lily stripping a half-naked and giggling Gumi.

"Kokone?" said Gakupo. "Teaching those three exhibitionists to make clothing is a waste of time."


	24. Sights Unseen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 7-Nov-2015; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[when you wake up in the wrong country](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3136944.html)" prompt.

IA opened the curtains of the hotel room she was sharing with Yukari. "Rise and shine, Yukarin!" she sang.

A sleepy Yukari sat up in bed. "...whatcha crowin' 'bout?" she grumbled.

"This is our first day on tour abroad!" IA said. "C'mon, Yukarin! Exotic adventures await!"

"Oh, fer..." Yukari stumbled up to the window. "...all I see is a Starbucks, a McDonald's, and a Circle K. Are you SURE we're in another country?"

"We can't 'see the sights' from the hotel, silly," IA said with a giggle.

"All I wanna see this early," Yukari said, "is more of my pillow."


	25. No Love Letter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 8-Nov-2015; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[no letter from my love today](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3136944.html)" prompt.

"Was there any mail for me today?" Kaito asked Meiko.

Meiko looked through a handful of mail. "Wanna buy insurance?"

"No," said Kaito.

"Wanna donate to some charity you've never heard of?"

"No."

"Then there was no mail for you today."

"I feed unloved," Kaito said sadly. "Hey Meiko, would you write me a love letter?"

Meiko took a piece of junk mail, crossed out "Resident" and wrote "Kaito" on it, and tossed it to him. "Knock yourself out," she snarked.

"I'll treasure it forever!" Kaito said happily. "And I'll keep you in mind if I need to buy insurance."


	26. Opening Death's Door

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 9-Nov-2015; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[a song for returning home](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3136944.html)" prompt.

Gumi and Lily walked up to a locked side door of the Internet Co. house. Instead of punching in a numeric security code, Gumi sang a sequence of notes with perfect pitch.

"Neat," Lily said, as the door swung open. "That's a handy security feature for us Vocaloids. Is it one of your inventions?"

"Yep!" Gumi said. "And here's what happens if someone tries to brute-force the code." She sang a few wrong notes, and a huge blade slammed down like a guillotine.

"Pretty cool, huh?" Gumi said proudly.

"Cuh-cool is nuh-not how I'd duh-describe it," a terrified Lily whimpered.


	27. Magical Girl Lyrical Miku

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 10-Nov-2015; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[summon the memory](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3136944.html)" prompt.

Miku was waiting backstage to begin a concert. But then, her producer walked up.

"The stage-crew is having trouble with the lyrics teleprompter," the producer said. "Do you want to delay the concert until it's fixed?"

"Nah," said Miku. "I don't need it."

"Are you sure?" the producer said. "With complex dance routines and 'stage nerves,' it's easy to forget the words."

"Don't worry," Miku said confidently. "I got this."

Miku ran on stage, singing her lyrics perfectly from memory. "Yeah baby! Ooh baby! Yeah yeah baby! Ooh yeah!..."

_I need not have worried_ , the producer thought, _for multiple reasons._


	28. Clearing The Aria

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 11-Nov-2015; comfort?/humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[irrationally happy](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3136944.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains IA Cute Overload. Reader discretion is advised.

IA sat down next to Yukari with a small sigh. "Bad day?" Yukari asked.

"The worst," IA said with a forced smile. "But it's no reason to be upset."

"Yes it is," Yukari said. "If you force yourself to be irrationally happy, you're gonna crack up."

"But Yukarin—" said IA.

"No buts!" Yukari said, kindly but firmly. "You're always telling me it's OK to be grumpy. Follow your own advice."

IA stared at Yukari, and then she suddenly crumpled. "Oh, GOSH DARN it all to HECK!!" she cried.

Yukari gave her friend an awkward hug. "That's a start," Yukari said.


	29. Don't It Make My Brown Hair Blue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 12-Nov-2015; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[everyone always notices](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3136944.html)" prompt. (Also recycling a joke from one of my old MMD videos.)
> 
> See also "[Don't It Make My Brown Eyes Blue](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Don't_It_Make_My_Brown_Eyes_Blue)" by Crystal Gayle.

"I've been thinking of coloring my hair a bright color like yours," Ruko said to Teto, "or maybe wearing a wig like Ritsu. Everyone always notices your hair, but I only have plain brown hair."

"What about your [blue streak](http://donmai.us/posts/671315)?" Teto asked.

"What?" Ruko asked. "I don't have a blue streak."

Teto stared at Ruko in disbelief, and then she pointed at Ruko's left temple.

Frowning, Ruko walked away to look at herself in a mirror. After a pause, Teto heard a shriek of surprise.

Teto face-palmed. _One would THINK that she would have NOTICED that by NOW_ , Teto thought.


	30. Adult Bath Toys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 13-Nov-2015; humor; 200 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[a sweltering sea](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3136944.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains hot-springs bath nudity and extremely cheesy adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Gumi, Lily, and Cul walked up to a quiet hot-springs bath, dropped their towels, and waded in.

Lily noticed a few small toys floating in the steamy waters. "What are those doin' here?" she asked.

"Ryuto must have bathed first and left his toys behind," Gumi said. She reached out, grabbed a toy boat, and held it to her chest.

"Gumi?" said an amused Lily. "You're 'motorboating' yourself."

"Not for long!" Cul held up a toy plane, swung it at Gumi, and made shooting sounds. "PEW PEW PEW!!"

Playing along, Gumi slowly pulled her boat under water. "Oh no!" she giggled. "You sank my battleship!"

Lily took up a toy submarine and leaned towards Gumi. "This calls for 'undersea exploration'." she said.

Holding her plane up, Cul also leaned towards Gumi. "I'll start the above-water 'search party'," she said.

Gumi smiled, leaned back, and waited for Lily and Cul to 'explore' her body. But then, the trio overheard someone clear their throat loudly. They turned their heads in unison to see a frowning Kokone.

"Don't worry, Gumi," said Lily. "Cul and I can 'inspect your naval base' later."

"OK," Gumi said. "I've already washed both my navel and my 'base'."


	31. Slow Pick Her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 14-Nov-2015; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[tortoiseshell](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3136944.html)" prompt.

A music-store salesman found Ruko playing a scale on a floor-model guitar— very slowly.

"Are you just learning to play guitar?" the salesman asked hopefully.

"No, I can play faster than this," Ruko said, "but I only have a tortoiseshell pick."

The salesman pulled a face. "'Tortoise' doesn't mean that you can only play slowly. And also, guitar picks are plastic. They're not actual tortoiseshell."

"I know that!" an indignant Ruko said. "I'd never force some poor little turtle to go naked just so that I could play a guitar!"

"Put down the guitar and get out," the salesman said.


	32. The Big Gun Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 15-Nov-2015; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[lay your rifle down](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3136944.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains slapstick violence. Reader discretion is advised.

Miku stood by on the set of the latest Black Rock Shooter music video in full costume and make-up.

A stage-hand walked up to her with a huge black gun. "Is that the new Rock Cannon prop?" Miku asked. "It looks more realistic than before."

"This one is made of metal instead of plastic," the stage-hand said as he handed it to her. "Please be careful, Miku. This prop is also—"

Miku's thin body collapsed under the unexpected weight of the prop like a spring onion under a sewer pipe.

"...heavier," the stage-hand said unnecessarily.

"Owie," said Miku, also unnecessarily.


	33. The Secrets Of Her Success

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 16-Nov-2015; general; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[aren't you lucky?](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3136944.html)" prompt.
> 
> Sorry, but this isn't funny at all.

Luka sat down for an interview. "Could you share the secrets of your success with your fans?" the interviewer asked.

"Do you mean how I'm routinely paid roughly eighty percent of a male singer's salary?" Luka asked matter-of-factly.

"Er..." the interviewer stammered.

"Or how I'll always be judged by my appearance first and my musical talent second?" Luka continued. "Or how my opportunities and my career will fade away before I turn forty?"

"May I withdraw the question?" the interviewer asked nervously.

"...ah," said Luka. "I didn't mean to unload on you personally, dear. However, that doesn't change the answer."


	34. Rice Cook Her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 17-Nov-2015; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[plate piled high](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3136944.html)" prompt.

Defoko and Teto were enjoying a home-cooked meal with Momo.

Defoko held out an empty rice bowl. "Seconds, please," she said.

"Goodness," a surprised Momo said. "You've already had a double serving."

"What are you 'doing' with all of that food?" Teto asked. "I'm way more hyperactive than you are, and I don't burn that many calories."

"Oh, the usual," Defoko said casually. "Places to go... people to kill."

Momo gulped. "Um, Uta- _san_? That was a joke... right?"

"Maybe," Defoko said enigmatically.

"MORE RICE COMING RIGHT UP!!" Momo said obediently.

"LET ME POUR YOU SOME TEA!!" a groveling Teto said.


	35. The Best Part Of Not Waking Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 18-Nov-2015; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[there's always time for another dream](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3136944.html)" prompt.

Ruko unlocked the front door of her coffeehouse— thirty minutes late— and found an angry Teto standing outside.

"You'd better not make a habit of opening late," Teto growled. "You'll lose your regular customers— for example, me."

Ruko shrugged. "If my regulars can't get their early-morning dose of caffeine, they'll all just sleep in late too."

"Not everybody can sleep in, Ruko!" said Teto. "What about people with nine-to-five jobs?"

"If everybody sleeps in," Ruko said, "then everybody can work part-time 'cause they'll need less money. And everybody will be well-rested and happier in general—"

"STOP MAKING SENSE!!" Teto yelled.


	36. Boa Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 19-Nov-2015; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[veils and velvet, feathers and lace](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3136944.html)" prompt.

Miku was eagerly rummaging through several large boxes of clothing, occasionally pausing to model samples for Luka and Meiko.

Kaito walked up. "What's going on?" he asked.

"Miku's manager gave her some old stage costumes," Luka said, "to make room for new costumes."

"Sounds like fun. Can I play too?" Kaito asked Miku.

"That would be nice," said Miku, "but this is women's clothing."

Kaito took off his coat. "If it's just between us," he said, "I don't mind."

"Our Kaito is a good sport," Luka whispered to Meiko.

"And he looks good in a feather boa," Meiko noted.


	37. Tear Jerk Her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 20-Nov-2015; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[dry your eyes](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3136944.html)" prompt.

Meiko found Miku and Luka snuggled up on the sofa, watching a sad movie and sharing a box of tissues. Miku was bawling childishly, and to Meiko's surprise, Luka was weepy as well.

"This isn't like you, Luka," said an amused Meiko. "Are you going soft on us?"

"I'd like to see you keep your composure," Luka sniffed, "if poor little Miku were clinging to you and crying like this."

Miku turned her tear-stained face and big sad shiny eyes towards Meiko and whimpered pathetically.

"Miku, please don't be so melodramatic," said Meiko. "And Luka, please pass me a tissue."


	38. Doorframed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 21-Nov-2015; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[how do you know?](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3136944.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains slapstick violence. Reader discretion is advised.

Ruko greeted Teto with a grimace. "I have an awful headache," Ruko said, "and I don't know why."

"It's because you just whacked your head against the top of the door frame," Teto said.

"Really?" a surprised Ruko asked. "How do you know?"

"I just heard you whack your head against the top of the doorframe," Teto said patiently. "Apparently, you whacked yourself hard enough to become amnesiac. 

"Ruko, you're almost two meters tall— but your doorways AREN'T. If you don't remodel the doorframes, or learn to DUCK, you're gonna end up with permanent brain damage."

"Who's Ruko?" asked Ruko.


	39. Luka-Boo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 22-Nov-2015; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[a ghost in pink](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3136944.html)" prompt.

After a late-night bathroom stop, Rin opened its door to see a pink-and-white apparition.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!" said Rin.

The figure stepped into the bathroom light, revealing itself to be Luka in a gossamer nightgown and unkempt hair. "Rin, please!" she said. "I don't look my best, but I'm not THAT scary."

"Sorry," Rin said. "You looked like a ghost in the dark."

"Well, no harm done. Good night." Luka started to walk away.

Len ran up behind Luka. "What happened— EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!"

A furious Luka turned on Len. "STOP THAT!!" she snarled. "I'M NOT SCARY!!"

"Actually," Len whimpered, "you're even scarier now."


	40. Green Is The Enemy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 23-Nov-2015; humor?; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[encounter the enemy](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3136944.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also "OK, Green Is The Enemy" by [Ichigyou-P](https://vocaloid.wikia.com/wiki/Ichigyou-P).
> 
> See also "[Good Old Days](http://weirdal.wikia.com/wiki/Good_Old_Days)" and  
>  "[Such A Groovy Guy](http://weirdal.wikia.com/wiki/Such_A_Groovy_Guy)" by "Weird Al" Yankovic.
> 
> This contains dark _yandere_ humor. Reader discretion is advised.

"I'd like to welcome Tei to our 'Green Is The Enemy' club meeting," Rin said to Neru and Tei.

"So, Tei," said Neru, "got any ideas for getting revenge on Miku?"

"Let's kidnap her _hee hee_ ," Tei said, "and tie her to a chair _hee hee_ and shave off all her hair _hee hee_!!... and THEN _hee hee_ , let's attach ELECTRODES to her BRAIN _hee hee_ and WATCH HER DANCE _HEE HEE_!!"

Rin and Neru gulped. "Actually," Rin said nervously, "Neru and I were thinking of photoshopping mustaches on her promo photos."

"That'll work too _hee hee_ ," Tei said agreeably.


	41. Rub A Dub Dub

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 24-Nov-2015; humor; 200 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[you'll be better off alone](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3136944.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains mild slapstick violence, nudity and mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Gumi was in the middle of her morning shower when Lily knocked on the door. "Mind if I join you?" she asked.

"Not at all," Gumi said sweetly. "But it's kinda early in the morning for 'shenanigans'."

"Yeah," Lily said as she stepped in and lathered up. "I just wanna shower too. But we could wash each others' backs."

And then, Cul knocked on the door. "Is there room for one more?" she asked.

"Not really," Gumi said cheerfully, "but come on in anyway."

Cul slid into the shower behind Lily. "Ooh, it IS crowded in here. Lily, could you hand me the shampoo?"

"No, I really don't think I can now," Lily said.

"Maybe I can reach it," Cul said. "...WHOAH!!"

Cul slipped and fell against Lily, and then they fell against Gumi like dominoes. Scrabbling for a handhold, Gumi accidentally turned the cold water on full blast.

—

"Waiting for a shower?" Gakupo asked a bathrobe-clad Kokone.

"The 'traffic lights' are taking a shower together," Kokone said.

"I envy them," Gakupo said. "It must be great fun to be so close and uninhibited."

Kokone and Gakupo suddenly overheard three simultaneous bloodcurdling cold-shower screams.

"...or perhaps not," Gakupo said weakly.


	42. The Earworm Has Returned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 25-Nov-2015; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[nothing about this so vexing as](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3136944.html)" prompt.

IA walked up to Yukari while humming a melody out loud.

"ARRGH!!" said Yukari.

IA blinked in surprise. "Is there a problem, Yukarin?"

"I had that song stuck in my head ALL DAY yesterday!!" Yukari cried. "You've just put it BACK in my head AGAIN!!"

"Is that all?" a relieved IA said. "Yukarin, you shouldn't let a little thing like that vex you so."

"Well," Yukari growled, "since you've already driven me crazy by putting that song back in my head, I won't have to worry about how you drive me crazy in general."

"That's the spirit!" IA said proudly.


	43. Various Feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 26-Nov-2015; romance; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[the one she really loves](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3136944.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also "[Various Feelings](http://vocaloid.wikia.com/wiki/Various_feelings)" "by" Meiko.

Miku and Kaito watched Meiko perform a heartfelt love song to a rapt audience.

"Do you get jealous when Meiko sings love songs for other people like this?" Miku asked Kaito.

"Nah," Kaito said. "I know Meiko really loves me, even though she can't come right out and say it."

Miku gave Kaito a sisterly side-hug. "She can sing about love to all these strangers, and yet, she can't say 'three little words' to you? That must be hard for both of you."

Kaito smiled warmly and returned Miku's hug. "Life isn't fair, kiddo. But I'm still a lucky man."


	44. Rock-A-Bye Ruko

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 27-Nov-2015; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[a lullaby](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3136944.html)" prompt.

Ruko climbed into bed, and then Rook (in dog form) claimed a corner at her feet.

"Hey, Rook," said Ruko. "Could you sing me a lullaby?"

"Why?" said Rook. "You've never had trouble falling asleep in your life."

"Aw, c'mon," Ruko said. "You're an UTAU too, and I like to hear you sing."

"Oh, alright." Rook sat up and began to sing:

 _Rock-a-bye Ruko, here in your bed,_  
_Flat, soft, and fuzzy, just like your head._  
_All through the night, you'll sleep like a log_  
_Just don't forget to feed your poor dog._

"How was that?" Rook asked.

"* _SNORE_ *" said Ruko.


	45. One Mundane One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 28-Nov-2015; humor; 200 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[black sheep stick together](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3136944.html)" prompt.
> 
> In my own fanon, poor Kokone will always be the "Zeppo" of the Internet Co. girls.
> 
> This contains brief adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Gakupo was introducing a newly-arrived Chika to the other Internet Co. girls.

"This is Gumi," said Gakupo. "She's our resident mad scientist."

"Let me show you around my lab later," Gumi said eagerly. "We can play with toxic chemicals."

Chika giggled. "Ooh, that sounds like fun."

"And this is Lily," said Gakupo. "She's into... well... you can probably guess what she's into."

"Come to my room after you visit Gumi's lab," Lily purred. "I'll tie you up and make you scream."

Chika licked her lips suggestively. "That sounds like fun too."

Gakupo cleared his throat. "Moving along... This is Cul. She's studying political science and military history, and she's also our small weapons expert."

Cul saluted. "Welcome to the Vocalo Revolution, Comrade Chika."

Chika returned her salute. "It's an honor to serve with you, Cul."

"And this is Kokone," said Gakupo. "She likes cooking and sewing."

Chika couldn't resist teasing Kokone. "COOKING and SEWING? What a CRAZY WEIRDO FREAK!"

"Now, now," an amused Gakupo said. "Kokone might not have any esoteric interests, but she's still a person just like the rest of us."

"No I'm not," Kokone said earnestly. "I'm not a person like the rest of you at ALL."


	46. Stay On The Scene

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 29-Nov-2015; humor?; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[a man, a bridge, a decision](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3136944.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also "Sex Machine (part 1)" by James Brown.

Kaito was performing a cover of a James Brown classic with Meiko and Luka on backing vocals.

"[Can I take 'em to the bridge?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6KjMn-OOVHg&t=2m5s)" Kaito asked Meiko.

"Take 'em to the bridge!" Meiko said.

"Can I take 'em to the bridge?" Kaito asked Luka.

"Take 'em to the bridge!" Luka said.

"Can I take 'em to the bridge?" Kaito asked the backing band.

"YEAH!!" the band shouted in unison without missing a beat.

"Can I take 'em to the bridge?" Kaito asked the stage one more time.

"OH FER CRYIN' OUT LOUD!!" Meiko yelled. "TAKE 'EM TO THE BRIDGE ALREADY!!"


	47. The Winter Of Our Discontent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 30-Nov-2015; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[prepare for winter](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3136944.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains disturbing humor. Reader discretion is advised.

"Today's the first day of winter!" a happy Yufu Sekka said to the VIPperloids.

"Is it too late to move to Florida?" Teto asked. "Or maybe Australia?"

"Oh, come on!" Yufu said. "It's time for 'chestnuts roasting on an open fire'!"

"That sounds painful," Ruko said.

"And 'Jack Frost nipping at your nose'!"

"Jack sounds like a pervert," Ritsu said.

Yufu sighed. "You three aren't any fun."

"I just don't wanna end up lost in a blizzard," Teto said, "and forced to resort to cannibalism."

"For what it's worth," Yufu said nervously, "that's not on my To Do List either."


	48. Leeky Abstractions (part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 30-Nov-2015; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[when they looked so much like...](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3136944.html)" prompt.

Miku, Len and Rin were on the road, staring out the windows of their tour bus at the Japanese countryside.

"Look, Miku!" said Len. "There's a whole field planted in spring onions!"

Miku immediately plastered her face and both hands against the nearest window.

"They kinda look like a field of mini-Mikus," an imaginative Rin said. "They could be like Miku's 'minions'."

Miku suddenly stood up. "Stop the bus, please!" she shouted to the driver.

"Miku? What's wrong?" Len asked.

"Rin is right," Miku declared solemnly. "I must go. My people need me."

"She's lost it," Rin said to Len.


	49. Leeky Abstractions (part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 30-Nov-2015; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[all that I am](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3136944.html)" prompt.

Kaito and Meiko found Miku in tears. "What's wrong, sweetie?" Kaito asked.

"You know how they say 'you are what you eat'?" Miku said between sniffles.

"Yes?" Kaito said.

"And you know how I eat spring onions all the time?"

"Yes?"

"Onions make people CRY!" Miku sobbed. "I don't wanna make people cry!!"

Meiko sighed. "Miku, you've made millions of people happy with your music, and that has nothing at all to do with your favorite food. You're just getting yourself worked up over nothing."

"You mean," Miku wailed, "I'm making MYSELF cry!?"

"She's lost it," Meiko said to Kaito.


	50. Leeky Abstractions (part 3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 30-Nov-2015; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[the spirits of the gods](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3136944.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Gumi and Lily were eating lunch with Miku, who had eagerly ordered spring-onion soup.

Miku took a first spoonful. She breathed out heavily and clasped her hands to her chest.

"Uh, Miku?" asked Lily. "You OK there?"

"This soup is... HEAVENLY," Miku gasped. 

"I think she's having a religious experience," an amused Gumi said.

Miku took a second spoonful. Her eyes rolled back slightly as she softly moaned.

"Actually, it looks like she's having a much more 'worldly' experience," Lily said.

"Excuse me!" Gumi said to the waiter. "Can I send back my carrot soup? [I'll have what she's having.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/When_Harry_Met_Sally...#Deli_scene)"


	51. Pink Hair, Red String

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 3-Dec-2015; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[Your absence has gone through me like thread through a needle. Everything I do is stitched with its color](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3142568.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains brief adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Kaito picked a long pink hair off Gakupo's clothing. "One guess where this came from," Kaito said knowingly.

"Mmm." Gakupo took the hair from Kaito. "In a way, this hair is like the [red string of fate](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Red_string_of_fate) that binds Luka and me together. No matter how far or how long we are apart, we cannot escape our entwined fate."

"Dude!" an impressed Kaito said. "You're quite the romantic."

Gakupo shrugged. "In this day and age, the 'red string of fate' sounds more like a bondage technique."

"I think a bit of Lily has rubbed off on you too," Kaito noted.


	52. Snowball Throw Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 6-Dec-2015; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[Am I still a villain if the only person I hurt is myself?](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3142568.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains mild slapstick violence. Reader discretion is advised.

Teto and Ritsu were walking along a snow-covered sidewalk. They spied Ruko walking ahead of them. Ritsu suddenly grinned an evil grin, kneeled down, and scooped up a ball of snow.

"No, Ritsu!" said Teto in dismay.

"YES Ritsu!" said Ritsu.

He threw the snowball at Ruko— but it fell far short of her. And then, Ritsu slipped in the snow, lost his footing, and fell on his face.

"No offense," Teto said, "but you throw like a person of ambiguous gender whose throwing arm SUCKS."

"Yeah, but I still look good doing it," Ritsu said face-down into the snow.


	53. Chordgasm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 9-Dec-2015; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[That blinding explosion that left you crackling to the fingertips with electricity, initiated and transformed](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3142568.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains explicit adult humor (because Lily). Reader discretion is advised.

Lily's guitarist found her lounging next to his Marshall stack. "Mind if I warm up?" the guitarist asked.

"Not at all, hon," Lily said.

The guitarist plugged in his guitar and strummed some chords. "Huh? Is this amp connected?— LILY!?"

Lily was suddenly grinding her scantily-clad body against the stack. "Oh, yessss..." she moaned softly.

"I'm sorry! I plugged my guitar into [your costume](http://www.ssw.co.jp/products/vocal/lily/i) by mistake!" the guitarist cried. "Are you alright!?"

"Oh, I'm TOTALLY 'amped'," Lily said lustily. "Don't stop NOW, honey. Keep FINGERING those FRETS."

"In that case," the guitarist said, "let me show you 'Stairway To Heaven'."


	54. Living In The Fridge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 12-Dec-2015; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[I can pretend in that moment we’re not a rotting ecosystem](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3142568.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also "Living In The Fridge" by "Weird Al" Yankovic.
> 
> This contains predictable gross-out humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Kaito and Meiko walked into their kitchen, relieved to be home after several weeks out on tour. "Want me to warm up some leftovers for dinner?" Kaito asked Meiko.

"Didn't you clean out the fridge before we left?" Meiko said. "Kaito, we've been away for WEEKS! Everything will be spoiled!"

"Oh, come on, sweetie," Kaito said as he opened the fridge. "How bad can it be?"

He and Meiko silently gazed upon the Lovecraftian horrors within the fridge, and then he very gingerly closed its door.

"I need a drink," Meiko said shakily.

"And I need a hug," Kaito whimpered.


	55. In Polite Internet Co.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 15-Dec-2015; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[his holy god damned mouth](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3142568.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Luka had joined Gakupo and the Internet Co. girls for dinner.

"Thank you, Kokone," said Luka. "Your cooking was delicious."

"It certainly was." Gakupo picked up his plate and licked it clean.

"Gakupo, please!" Luka said. "You shouldn't lick things like that!"

Gakupo winked at the girls. "That's not what she said last night."

"MANNERS," Luka growled.

"Don't worry, Luka," said Gumi. "We already knew that, behind your polite facade, you're almost as freaky as Lily."

An exasperated Luka held her face in her hands. "Oh GOD," she groaned.

Gakupo winked again. "That IS what she said last night— OUCH!!"


	56. I've Been Everywhere

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 19-Dec-2015; angst?/humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[sea-roads and earth-roads you traveled once](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3142568.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also "[I've Been Everywhere](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I've_Been_Everywhere)" by Hank Snow and others.

Miki and Gumi were helping Miku pack. "Are you looking forward to your second world tour?" Gumi asked Miku.

"Not really," a resigned Miku said. "I've already seen the world. I'll just be seeing all the same old places again."

"That's an awfully jaded outlook for a teenager," Miki thought out loud.

"Aren't you performing at any new-to-you venues at all?" Gumi asked.

"Nope," said Miku. "Every stop on my itinerary has been scheduled for the next few months."

"Goodness," said Miki. "If I had to live my life like that, I think I'd run away."

"Where?" Miku asked hopelessly.


	57. The Weedy Burden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 24-Dec-2015; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[you are so little, you are more like a flower](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3142568.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also "[The Weedy Burton](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Three_Imaginary_Boys)" by the Cure.
> 
> This contains miniature slapstick violence. Reader discretion is advised.

Gakupo found Gumi hard at work in her backyard carrot patch. "Did you put in this entire garden by yourself?" Gakupo asked.

"Lily and Cul have been busy," Gumi said, "but Lapis came to help me."

"Lapis Aoki?" Gakupo asked in disbelief. "How much help has she been?"

Gumi pointed out the fairy-sized Vocaloid, who was valiantly struggling to pull a weed larger than herself. "NGH!! NGH!! NGH!!"

"About as much as you'd expect," Gumi said sadly. "She also tried to help me sow seed, but I accidentally almost planted HER."

The weed suddenly came loose and fell on Lapis.


	58. Back Seat Taken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 30-Dec-2015; humor; 200 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[rattling my heart like a bird in a too-small cage](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3142568.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains cheesy adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Rin and Len had taken Rin's roadroller to the Internet Co. house to pick up Gumi, Lily, and Cul.

"SHOTGUN!!" Cul shouted childishly.

"I don't mind riding in the back seat," Len said, "but there isn't much room for three people."

"That's alright," Gumi said cheerfully. "We're all friends here. Why don't you sit between us."

"Well, OK." Len climbed in, and started to fasten his seat belt. But Lily took the buckle first.

"Allow me," Lily said seductively as she fastened his belt. "I love to strap people down."

Len gulped.

Gumi slid up directly against Len and held one arm around his shoulders. "Relax, sweetie," she said. "We won't bite."

Lily snuggled up on his other side. "That is," she said in a voice dripping with honey, "unless you WANT us to bite."

Len glanced to his left, and then to his right, at chest level. And then, he conspicuously folded his hands over his lap.

An amused Rin watched her twin brother's embarrassment in the rear-view mirror from the driver's seat. "It looks like he's already enjoying the ride," she said to Cul.

"Want some attention too?" a flirtatious Cul asked.

"Don't distract the driver," Rin growled.


	59. Half-Chimera Hearted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 3-Jan-2016; angst/humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[now I know I’ve got a heart, because it is breaking](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3152652.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains adult themes. Reader discretion is advised.

Teto shuffled into Ruko's coffeehouse and slumped at her usual seat.

Ruko ran to her best friend's side. "What's wrong, Teto?"

"Bad fight with Len," Teto sniffled. "We might even be breaking up."

Ruku rubbed her back. "I'm sorry, sweetie."

"Do you think a breaking heart hurts a half-chimera more than a human girl?" Teto asked.

"I don't know," Ruko said. "I'm intersex, but I'm not inter-species."

"I wonder if it'd hurt Len this much," Teto suddenly growled, "if a chimera literally tore his heart from his chest?"

"I can't help you there either," Ruko said nervously. "I'm a pacifist."


	60. Music From The Body

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 9-Jan-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[sometimes people can learn a lot about each other just by sitting in silence](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3152652.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also [_Music From The Body_](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Music_from_The_Body) by Ron Geesin and Roger Waters.

Yukari and IA were standing by in the studio while the engineer prepared for a take.

"I don't like studio silence," Yukari said nervously. "I think I can hear my hair growing."

IA hugged her best friend. "I can't hear that... but I can hear every breath you take."

"Personal space, IA," an annoyed Yukari said.

IA ignored Yukari's embarrassment. "And I can hear your heartbeat... ooh, it's beating faster."

"IA, please," Yukari said uncomfortably. "I just had lunch, and I've got 'studio nerves', and—"

Both girls suddenly heard a VERY loud gurgling noise.

"...ah," said IA. "So I've heard."


	61. Hard Encore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 19-Jan-2016; general/humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[cherish the world of the living whilst you have it, for you cannot visit there again](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3152652.html)" prompt (replacing "the world of the living" with "live on stage").

An exhausted Miku staggered off-stage after accepting a standing ovation. "Do you think we should play another encore?" she asked her producer.

"Miku, you've been singing and dancing non-stop for three hours and three encores," her producer said. "You barely made it through that encore."

"But this is the last show of the tour," Miku said emotionally, "an'... an'..." She grew dizzy and stumbled into the producer's arms.

"You've done well, Miku," the producer said softly. "But you need to rest now."

"...I hope you remember saying that," Miku sniffled, "when you try to drag me out of bed tomorrow."


	62. Slurpy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 29-Jan-2016; humor?; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[if people were silent, they could hear the noise of their own lives better](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3152652.html)" prompt.

Teto was hanging out at Ruko's coffeehouse. Defoko and Momo were sitting together at a nearby table in an otherwise empty room.

"Quiet morning, huh," Teto said to Ruko.

"Yep," Ruko said. "But it'll pick up later."

The coffeehouse fell silent.

Ruko took a sip of coffee. * _sluuuurp_ *

Teto took a sip of coffee. * _sluuuurp_ *

Defoko took a sip of coffee. * _sluuuurp_ *

Momo took a sip of coffee. * _sluuuurp_ *

And then, Ruko took another sip of coffee. * _sluuuurp_ *

"...why don't you turn on your satellite radio and play some background music?" Teto suggested nervously.

"Good idea," Ruko agreed, also nervously.


	63. The Merry-Go-Round Breakdown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 13-Feb-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[a toy merry-go-round which still plays a crackled tune](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3162331.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also "[The Merry-Go-Round Broke Down](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Merry-Go-Round_Broke_Down)" by Friend and Franklin.

While walking down the street, Kaito and Meiko saw a worn toy carousel in an open trash can.

Kaito held the toy up and spun it. "It still works," he said. "It's a shame that it was thrown away."

"You're too sentimental," Meiko said. "It's old-fashioned and worn-out."

"Do you think we Vocaloids will end up like this toy?" Kaito asked. "Still able to perform, but unwanted and thrown out with the trash?"

"Nah," Meiko said. "We'll be going around in circles, and performing the same songs over and over, forever."

"That doesn't reassure me at all," Kaito said nervously.


	64. Bedspread Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 22-Feb-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[unfamiliar ceilings each day, at dusk](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3162331.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains more Gumi/Lily/Cul adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

The Internet Co. girls were unpacking in their hotel room on their first tour with Kokone.

Gumi flopped back on one of the two beds. "Ooh, nice ceiling," she said.

"Do you usually check out hotel-room ceilings?" an amused Kokone asked.

"Yep," Gumi said. "Lily usually ties me spread-eagled to the bed—"

Cul hissed. "GUMI!! Not in front of Kokone!!"

But Kokone was thoughtful. "If I let you three perverts go at it, do I get one bed to myself?"

"Sure," Lily said.

"Let me put on my sleeping mask and earplugs," Kokone said, "and then you can go crazy."


	65. Sleeper Sell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 3-Mar-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[it’s night before it’s afternoon](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3171011.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains slapstick violence. Reader discretion is advised.

Teto found Ruko swaying to and fro behind her coffeehouse counter. "You OK there?" Teto asked.

The sleepy Ruko barely held up her head. "Only seven cups of coffee this mornin'," she mumbled.

"How are you still alive," Teto said dryly.

As Luna walked up to the counter, Ruko suddenly facedesked into it. * _WHAM_ *!!

"What's wrong with Ruko?" an alarmed Luna asked.

"Not enough caffeine," Teto said.

"Oh dear," Luna said. "I was going to order decaf for myself. But maybe I should have dark-roast with a shot of espresso."

"* _SNORE_ *" said Ruko.

"...I'll get it for you," Teto said.


	66. Sing Her Praises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 11-Mar-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[ought to be shouting](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3171011.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains DIABEETUS. Reader discretion is advised.

IA ran up to Yukari, bubbling with excitement. "YUKARIN!! You got the Number One song in the Vocaloid Ranking!!"

"Yeah, I saw it too," Yukari said. "...hey! IA!?"

IA hugged Yukari tightly. "I'm so PROUD of you!!" she cried.

"Calm down!" Yukari said. "It's not THAT big a deal! Both of us have already had several Number Ones, you know."

"Never take success for granted." IA gave her a peck on the cheek. "People love you, Yukarin. Never forget that."

Yukari sighed, but smiled. _With a best friend like IA_ , she thought, _it's difficult to be a cynical seen-it-all veteran_.


	67. Scope Creeper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 14-Mar-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[look at life through the wrong end of the telescope](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3171011.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains multiple puns. Reader discretion is advised.

Piko had accompanied Miki to a department store, where a salesman showed the most powerful telescope on sale to Miki.

As Miki examined her possible purchase, the salesman made small talk with Piko. "Are you also interested in astronomy?"

"Actually," Piko said, "the thing I'm most interested in is on the 'near' side of the scope." He gave Miki a wink and a grin.

Miki flirted back without skipping a beat. "Oh dear," she said to the salesman. "I think some pervert is 'scoping me out'."

_These two have gone 'beyond the scope' of a normal relationship_ , the salesman thought.


	68. Tsundere Détente

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 24-Mar-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[if it changes your life, let it](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3171011.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains brief adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

"Going out on the town with Gakupo again, eh?" Meiko asked an elegantly-dressed Luka.

"It's not as if I was looking forward to it," Luka said defensively. "And besides, isn't Kaito coming over to have dinner with you later?"

"Stupid Luka! It's not like *I* care what you think!" Meiko cried.

But then, Luka frowned. "Aren't we getting too old to be _tsundere_?"

"Yeah," Meiko said, "I'm kinda getting tired of this routine myself."

Luka smiled again. "We shouldn't be embarrassed about having meaningful relationships with wonderful men like Gakupo and Kaito."

"And the sex is good too," Meiko added.


	69. Support Group Hug

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 31-Mar-2016; angst/general/humor; 200 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[laugh at life’s realities](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3171011.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains MOAR DIABEETUS. Reader discretion is advised.

Gumi found Kokone sitting alone in the Internet Co. kitchen and picking at a container of ice cream. "What's wrong?" Gumi asked.

"My latest single fell off the Vocaloid Ranking," Kokone said. "It didn't even make the top fifty. And I put everything I had into it."

Kokone hung her head. "I love to sing, but... maybe I should do something else with my life..."

Gumi activated her ever-present headset and spoke into its microphone. "Lily! Cul! Report to the kitchen! Kokone needs a hug STAT."

"Wait— what?" said Kokone, as Lily and Cul dashed into the kitchen. And then, all three Traffic Lights hugged her tightly.

"It doesn't matter how many fans you have," Gumi said. "None of us will ever be as popular as Miku or Luka. But we all have fans."

"And it doesn't matter what other people think of you," Lily said. "You should do whatever makes you happy."

"But whatever you decide to do," Cul said, "we'll always be here for you, and we'll always love you."

The usually reserved Kokone giggled and brushed away tears at the same time. "You three are really something else," she sniffed.

"We get that a lot," Gumi agreed.


	70. Deep Voice Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 9-Apr-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[rich rumbling voice](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3181743.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Big Al was out for a stroll when he saw Kaito, Meiko, Luka and Gakupo up ahead. He carefully walked up behind Meiko and Luka, and put his arms around their shoulders in a friendly yet flirtatious hug.

"HELLO, LADIES," Al said in his best deep manly voice.

Meiko and Luka both went weak in the knees, fluttered their eyes, and sighed loudly.

"I believe Al is seducing our girlfriends away," Gakupo half-jokingly said to Kaito, "merely with the sound of his rich rumbling voice."

"It doesn't matter," a flustered Kaito said. "I think I'm gay for DAT VOICE myself."


	71. No Chance Seconded

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 14-Apr-2016; humor; 200 words (100+100).
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[to take a chance](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3181743.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains a personal favorite crack pairing. Reader discretion is advised.

Teto was spending another evening with Ruko at the coffeehouse. She happened to notice Ruko glancing at Lily, who was sitting at a table with Gumi.

"Are you interested in Lily?" Teto asked Ruko quietly.

The usually unflappable Ruko blushed and fidgeted. "Well, um..."

"There's nothing wrong with that," Teto said kindly. "She's really nice, and she's single. Take a chance and ask her for a date."

"Oh no," Ruko said. "Lily is a talented Vocaloid, a world-famous performer, and the sexiest person I've ever seen. There's no chance that she'd be interested in an eccentric coffeehouse UTAU like me."

—

Gumi was spending an evening with Lily at Ruko's coffeehouse. She happened to notice Lily glancing at Ruko, who was standing at a counter with Teto.

"Are you interested in Ruko?" Gumi asked Lily quietly.

The usually shameless Lily blushed and fidgeted. "Well, um..."

"There's nothing wrong with that," Gumi said kindly. "She's really nice, and she's single. Take a chance and ask her for a date."

"Oh no," Lily said. "Ruko is a talented UTAU, a respected business-owner, and a responsible member of the community. There's no chance that she'd be interested in a perverted party-girl Vocaloid like me."


	72. Unresolved Issues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 1-May-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[lingering affection, you and I are being kept alive by it](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3192648.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

"Congratulations on the success of your latest duet," Luka said to Yukari and IA.

"We really bring out the best in each other," Yukari said.

"And we're Best Friends Forever in real life," IA added.

"Your love for each other comes through," Luka agreed, "and so does your 'unresolved sexual tension'."

Yukari's eyes widened. "Why do you think that we have unresolved sexual tension?" she asked nervously.

The usually innocent IA winked at Luka and played it up. "Oh, Yukarin! If only you realized how I feel!"

"Hey, wait a minute!" Yukari yelled. "I still have 'UNRESOLVED UNRESOLVED' sexual tension!!"


	73. Negitoro Negatory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 6-May-2016; angst/humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[remember the colour of the vanishing flame](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3192648.html)" prompt.
> 
> This takes place two or three years after most of the other drabbles. Miku is at least 18YO by this time.
> 
> This contains brief adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Kaito found Miku curled up on the sofa with a stuffed-toy TakoLuka.

"If you miss her," Kaito said as he sat down next to her, "you could visit her and Gakupo at the Internet Co. house."

"I know," Miku sniffled. "But I need to let her go. We were really close, but she's married to Gakupo now..."

"You still have Meiko and the twins," Kaito said. "And you still have me."

"Thanks," Miku said.

"And," Kaito added, "you can always hook up with Lily for kinky lesbian sex."

"You just had to keep talking, didn't you," said an amused Miku.


	74. Still Working The Kinks In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 16-May-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[left on my breath by your lips / that dream is still there](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3192648.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains Exactly What It Says On The Tin. Reader discretion is advised.

Gumi and Lily were listening to a rough mix of a ballad that Lily had recently recorded. "What do you think?" Lily asked.

"It's a gorgeous song," Gumi said, "but I didn't think romantic ballads were your thing."

"Kinky sex isn't everything, you know," Lily said.

Gumi stared at Lily in sheer disbelief. "Who ARE you," she demanded, "and WHAT have you DONE with LILY!?"

Instead of defending herself, Lily grabbed Gumi and gave her an overpowering open-mouthed kiss. And then, she effortlessly spun Gumi around and slapped handcuffs on Gumi's wrists.

"That's more like it," a submissive Gumi gasped.


	75. Subtexting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 25-May-2016; angst; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[I asked you for one happiness / you did not even give me your sorrows](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3192648.html)" prompt.

IA was waiting for Yukari at the bus station when she received a text from Yukari.

_Sorry. Not coming. Go shopping without me._

A worried IA replied immediately.

_Is something wrong?_

Yukari didn't answer for a minute or two.

_Sorry. Don't feel like talking. Later._

IA sighed heavily, pocketed her phone, and then crossed her arms and looked away with uncharacteristic anger.

_Yukarin, I know you can be moody, but you do NOT do things like this to your best friend,_ IA thought. _How could you expect me to go shopping alone, and enjoy myself, after THAT!?_

_Why can't you just TALK to me!?_


	76. Party Hardly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 1-Jul-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[Friday night, and we’re gonna party ‘til dawn](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3221174.html)" prompt.
> 
> Miku is a Beautiful Cinnamon Roll Too Good For This World, Too Pure.

Miku, Meiko, and Luka were spending a Friday night together for the first time after several weeks of conflicting tour schedules.

"What would you like to do tonight, Miku?" asked Meiko. "It's just the three of us. Kaito and the twins are away."

"I'm in the mood to PARTY!" Miku said with teenaged enthusiasm.

"In that case," Meiko said, "I'll break out the chocolate chip cookies."

"And I'll queue a Disney cartoon marathon," Luka said with a smile.

"Awesome!" Miku said. "I might even stay up past ELEVEN tonight!"

"WHOAH there, tiger," an amused Meiko said. "Let's not get CRAZY."


	77. Coffee Doll House

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 7-Jul-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[watch your step!](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3221174.html)" prompt.

Teto walked up to Ruko's coffeehouse counter, and found her friend carefully filling two fairy-sized coffee cups with an eyedropper.

"Are Lapis and Merli here?" Teto asked. "I'll be sure to watch my step."

"No need for that," Ruko said proudly, pointing to a large dollhouse on a table by a window. "They're already at their table."

"That was thoughtful of you," an impressed Teto said. "That looks like an expensive dollhouse, and they're drinking only a few cents' worth of coffee."

"I wouldn't be a responsible business owner," Ruko noted, "if I didn't provide accomodations for the 'vertically challenged'."


	78. Team Mom Nom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 18-Jul-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[growing up is optional](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3221174.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains a sharp pain between the eyes. Reader discretion is advised.

Luka watched Kaito unwrap a popsicle, and then she turned to Meiko. "Do you ever grow tired of acting as the Vocaloid 'Team Mom'?" Luka asked.

"Not really," Meiko said. "I mean, Rin gets into mischief, but she and Len are good kids, and Miku is practically an angel."

"They weren't the ones I was thinking of," Luka said.

As if on cue, Kaito ate too much of his popsicle at once and gave himself an ice cream headache. "MEEEEIIIKO!!" he whined tearfully.

Meiko face-palmed. "Well, there is THAT," she admitted. "But I would have to 'baby' that idiot regardless."


	79. Doujin She

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 25-Jul-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[she puts smiles on everyone’s faces](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3221174.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains weird adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Lily knocked at the door of Gumi's laboratory. "Hey Gumi," she said, "I found a _doujinshi_ with you today."

"Ooh! Really?" Gumi eagerly skimmed through it. "How did I 'do'?"

"It was the best sex the 'MC' ever had," Lily said, "as expected."

"Go me!" Gumi said proudly.

"You're awfully accepting," Lily said. "I'm the 'sex-doll' Vocaloid, and some _doujinshi_ weird-out even ME."

"I'm a celebrity, and some fans are creative and lonely," Gumi said. "That's not weird."

"Seeing yourself indulging Extremely Specific Fetishes doesn't weird you out?"

"Nah," Gumi said. "We both have ESFs too."

"That's true," Lily admitted.


	80. Holding The Key

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 2-Aug-2016; humor?; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[leaving the spare key I had loaned him (next to the uneaten pears)](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3229023.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains gratuitous puns. Reader discretion is advised.

Gakupo and Luka were having dinner with Kaito and Meiko.

Luka handed a doorkey to Gakupo. "Here's a new spare to the Crypton house," she said. "The locks were changed."

"Thank you, Luka- _dono_ ," said Gakupo. "We Vocaloids must be careful with 'key changes'."

"I wanted to keep you 'in key'," Luka said impishly.

"It was a 'key decision,' Meiko added with a giggle.

And then, the others looked at Kaito expectantly.

Kaito opened his mouth, but then he hung his head. "I got nothin,'" he said sadly.

"I never thought I'd find you 'out of key'," an amused Gakupo said.


	81. Haters Under The Bridge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 7-Aug-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[we lingered on bridges](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3229023.html)" prompt.

"I wish we could use our own social-media accounts," Miku said to Rin, "instead of going through a publicist."

"You REALLY don't want to go there, Miku," said Rin.

"But we could build bridges to our fans," Miku said earnestly.

"And you know who lives under bridges?" Rin said. "TROLLS."

"I know social media has some troublemakers, but surely it's not THAT bad?" a sheltered Miku asked.

"Neru has several thousand followers," Rin said. "She and her hordes could tear you to emotional pieces in minutes. And as trolls go, Neru is actually one of the NICER ones."

Miku whimpered.


	82. Flower Overpower

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 13-Aug-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[a wall of oleander all around me](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3229023.html)" prompt.

Miku's producer greeted her backstage with a large bouquet of flowers. "Congratulations on another successful concert," he said.

"Oh! Thank you!—" a touched Miku started to say.

A stagehand walked up and handed another huge bouquet to Miku. "From the venue," the stagehand said.

"Um, thanks—" Miku started to say again.

And then, another stagehand handed her an even larger bouquet. "From your fan-club," the stagehand said.

"Uh, Miku?" her amused producer asked. "Are you OK in there?"

"I think so," said the giant pile of flowers with teal twintails. "Just put me by a window and water me daily."


	83. Teal Is Not A Creative Color

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 21-Aug-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[in this world, love has no color, yet how deeply my body is stained by yours](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3229023.html)" prompt.

Miku was clothes-shopping with Meiko and Luka. "Oh, look!" Miku said as she pulled a blouse from a rack. "They have one in teal!"

"I know teal is 'your' color, and your favorite color," Luka said, "but why don't you try another color? Some variety might be nice."

"Alright." Miku looked through the rack. "The pink one would be cute."

"Er, that's MY color," Luka said awkwardly.

Miku kept looking. "Red?"

"That's 'me'," said Meiko.

The three women looked at each other.

"On second thought," Luka said, "why don't you go with teal."

"Teal works for you, hon," Meiko agreed.


	84. Demo Emo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 25-Aug-2016; angst?/humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[it is a bird-flight of the soul, when the heart finally declares itself in song](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3229023.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains extreme D'AWWW. Reader discretion is advised.

Yukari was reluctantly giving IA a preview of her next single. "The lyrics are kind of embarrassing," Yukari said as she played it back. "They're way more emotional than I like."

After a minute or so, Yukari was alarmed to find her best friend in tears. "Hey, c'mon!" Yukari said. "I didn't think it was THAT bad!"

"It's not THAT, silly!" IA sniffled. "It's wonderful to hear you being honest with your emotions for once."

"Stop it, IA," Yukari said shakily. "You're gonna make me cry for real."

"You should try it once in awhile," a tearfully happy IA said.


	85. Missing... Presumed Having A Good Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 28-Aug-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[I just miss you, in a quite simple, desperate, human way](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3229023.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also [Missing... Presumed Having A Good Time](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Missing...Presumed_Having_a_Good_Time).
> 
> This contains mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

"Luka? Where's Meiko?" asked Miku. "I haven't seen her all afternoon."

"Kaito returned from his business trip a day early," Luka said. "He's with Meiko now."

"Why didn't you say so earlier?" Miku started to walk away. "I've gotta go see him!—"

Luka caught Miku's shoulder. "Not now, sweetie. Later."

"But why?" a frowning Miku asked. "I missed _onii-chan_."

"I know," Luka said, "but Meiko missed him more."

"...oh," Miku said.

And then, Miku's face went very red. "...OH!," she said again.

"Your innocence is part of your charm," an amused Luka said, "but I'm glad you're not THAT innocent."


	86. Glue Me And Gumi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 5-Sep-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[Blue Glue](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3243917.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains weird adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

"Where have you two been?" Cul asked Gumi and Lily.

"Lily was helping me prepare an industrial adhesive in my laboratory," Gumi said, "and we had a little 'problem'."

"Well, naturally," Cul said.

"We were completely stuck together," Gumi said. "We had to prepare a solvent with no hands free, and then we had to peel our bodies apart slowly and painfully."

"I wish you'd called me," Cul said.

"It's OK," Gumi said. "The struggle was a lot of fun."

"I haven't been that turned-on in weeks," Lily added.

"That's what I mean!" Cul cried. "I would've liked to watch!"


	87. Leek On A Steek

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 7-Sep-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[clue-by-four](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3243917.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also [Jose Jalapeno On A Steek](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0SRonXlRHXk).

A furious Miku held out what looked like a leek to Kaito and Meiko. "WHAT IS THIS!?" she yelled.

"A stick painted like a leek?" Kaito said nervously.

"WHO'S RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS OUTRAGE!?" Miku shrieked.

"The prop manager," Meiko said. "But calm down, Miku—"

Miku was having none of it. She stomped out of the room.

"I've never seen her that angry," Kaito said.

"She loves leeks," Meiko said, "and everybody has a 'berserk button'."

"It's only a prop," Kaito said. "It's not like they replaced your sake with water—"

"DON'T. EVEN. JOKE. ABOUT. THAT." Meiko snarled.

"'kay," Kaito squeaked.


	88. Gender Bender

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 15-Sep-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[gender bender](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3243917.html)" prompt.
> 
> Not intended to offend anyone or advocate anything. Just some random fanon.
> 
> This contains mild adult themes. Reader discretion is advised.

"Hey, Ruko?" asked Teto. "Could I ask you a really personal question?"

"My life is an open book to my friends," Ruko said without hesitation.

"Your official gender is 90% male," Teto said, "but you're obviously more feminine than that. I know that you can change your gender because of your dual UTAU voice-banks, so... why are you... whatever you are now?"

"Women have longer life-spans," Ruko said, "but also, I drink lots of coffee, and it's easier for me to pee standing up."

"That's very pragmatic," a thoughtful Teto said.

"Life is short," Ruko said, "and coffee is good."


	89. Mikunologie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 18-Sep-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[hurr durr I'm a sheep](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3243917.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also "[Mikunologie](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=84_ff7eGP_c)" by X-Plorez.

Miku and Luka were guests of honor at a Vocaloid fan convention. They looked at a convention floor crowded with Miku cosplayers.

"It's wonderful to have this many fans," Miku said, "but I wish that fewer of them were 'following the crowd' and wearing the same cosplay."

"I must admit that I'm jealous of your popularity," Luka said, "but... wait a minute. You're not Miku, are you."

"Nope!" "Miku" said. "Pretty good cosplay, huh?"

"Amazing," Luka admitted.

"Can I have your autograph before you have me thrown out by security?" "Miku" asked.

"It's the least I can do," Luka said.


	90. Goodbye Chainsaw

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 26-Sep-2016; horror?/humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[Swiss-Army chainsaw](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3243917.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also "[Goodbye Chainsaw](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jLq8oK71wWs)" by KurageP.
> 
> This contains possible pending extreme violence. Reader discretion is advised.

IA found Yukari watching Youtube videos. "Whatcha watching, Yukarin?... Uh oh."

Yukari turned, revealing a video of a [chainsaw sculpture](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aWuDj9fTjP0) in progress.

"NO, Yukarin!" a dismayed IA said. "Remember what happened the last time we let you have a chainsaw?"

"Aw, c'mon. What's a few dozen utility poles between friends?" Yukari said with a deeply disturbing smile.

"Why don't you take up origami or papier-mache instead?" IA asked hopefully.

"I'll also need a chainsaw," Yukari said darkly, "for when I SNAP and go on a PSYCHOTIC RAMPAGE of DISMEMBERMENT."

"Y-you've p-put t-too m-much th-thought into th-this," a terrified IA stammered.


	91. Room Fan Service

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 4-Oct-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[the creak of a door](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3253389.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains more Gumi/Lily/Cul adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Gumi, Lily, and Cul had checked into a hotel room after a long day on the road.

Gakupo stopped by to say good night. "Sleep well, girls," he said. "We have another long day tomorrow."

"You too," said Gumi. "Good night, _onii-san_."

Gakupo left for his room. Gumi let the hotel-room door close with a creak and a locking click.

"Y'know, I'm not really sleepy yet," Gumi said to Lily and Cul.

"Kinky lesbian group sex?" Lily suggested.

"Or a pay-per-view movie?" Cul suggested.

"Kinky lesbian group sex sounds good," Gumi said.

"Yeah, I'm liking that better myself," Cul agreed.


	92. Vanilla Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 10-Oct-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[flickering candles](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3253389.html)" prompt.

Miku walked into a softly lit room, where Meiko and Kaito were relaxing. She paused to breathe in the air.

"What a wonderful scent!" Miku said. "It smells like an ice cream parlor."

Meiko pointed to a couple of large votive candles. "They're vanilla scented."

A deeply relaxed Kaito sighed happily. "I think I've died and gone to heaven."

"I wonder if they make leek-scented candles," Miku thought out loud.

Meiko sweat-dropped. "I hardly think so, Miku."

Miku frowned. "What are you trying to say?"

"No offense," Kaito said, "but leeks stink."

"That was uncalled for!" a hurt Miku said.


	93. Finger Lickin' Bad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 17-Oct-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[making S'mores](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3253389.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Lily found Gumi standing at the Internet Co. kitchen counter. "Making S'mores?" Lily asked.

"Yep. Want one?" Gumi held it out to Lily. "Pardon my fingers."

"Don't mind if I do," Lily said. She held Gumi's hand, took the treat, and then licked Gumi's fingers in a suggestive manner.

Gumi giggled. "Don't do that!" she said. "You have no idea where my fingers have been!"

"Oh?" Lily made eyes at Gumi while continuing to suck. "Where HAVE they been?"

"In my laboratory," Gumi said, "handing toxic chemicals an' stuff."

Lily froze. "Uh oh," she whimpered. "Ah than't theel mah thongue."


	94. Behind The Eight-Ball

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 22-Oct-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[crystal ball](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3253389.html)" prompt.
> 
> When I Was Your Age, we believed that the blue stuff in an Eight-Ball was a hallucinogen.
> 
> This contains food poisoning. Reader discretion is advised.

Teto watched Ruko open an Eight-Ball toy and add some of its fluid to her coffee.

"What are you doing!?" Teto cried. "You're not supposed to drink that! It's probably poisonous!"

"Relax, Teto," said Ruko as she gulped her coffee. "It's a novelty creamer container."

Ritsu walked up. "Hey, I borrowed some of your creamer," he said as he set an identical Eight-Ball on Ruko's countertop.

Ruko froze, and then slowly lowered her mug. Her lips had turned blue.

"Hospital?" Teto asked.

"[To invoke the hive-mind representing chaos. Invoking the feeling of chaos. Without order](http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/Zalgo)," Ruko said.

"Hospital," Ritsu agreed.


	95. Fan Appreciation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 30-Oct-2016; general/humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[give me something](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3253389.html)" prompt.

Miku was performing for a tough theater-sized crowd. The audience wasn't booing her— it was mostly just ignoring her.

As Miku finished another song to scant applause, she was near tears. But then, a single fan shouted loudly and clearly.

"I LOVE YOU MIKU!!"

—

Some time later, Miku's fan was showing off newly autographed CDs, vinyl albums, and other souvenirs to a friend.

"I can't believe Miku invited you backstage and gave you all this merch!" the fan's friend said. "What did you DO?"

"I was a fan in the right place at the right time," Miku's fan said proudly.


	96. Rocket 88

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 4-Nov-2016; general; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[the secret language of hate](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3266685.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also "[Rocket 88](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eAwUesMFM1E)" by Jackie Brenston and his Delta Cats.
> 
> This contains adult themes. Reader discretion is advised.

IA peeked at the top Yukari was wearing under her hoodie. "Is that a new jersey?" she asked.

"Yep." Yukari held her hoodie open. "I've actually kinda getting into soccer lately."

IA frowned at the jersey's number. "Don't you know what '88' means?"

"Well, yeah," Yukari said. "A piano keyboard has 88 keys. That's why I ordered it."

"No, sweetie. It means something else." IA whispered the meaning in Yukari's ear.

"WHAT!?" A mortified Yukari closed her hoodie. "'Rocket 88' was the very first rock-n-roll song! How can THAT be co-opted!?"

"Welcome to the Internet Hate Machine," IA said sadly.


	97. The Internet Never Forgets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 12-Nov-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[the past is never dead. It's not even past](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3266685.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains mild cruel adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

A mortified Miku joined the other Vocaloids for breakfast the morning after a concert.

"Please don't be embarrassed by what happened last night, sweetie," Luka said gently.

"You've seen it?" Miku asked sadly.

"Yes." Luka picked up her mobile, opened the news, and read the entertainment headlines. "'Vocaloid Stumbles During Performance, Shows Audience Her Panties.'"

"And fans have uploaded at least two dozen videos taken from the audience," Len added.

"And they've drawn several fan-arts of the exact pose in which you landed," Rin added.

Miku face-desked into the kitchen table.

"At least you were wearing clean ones," Meiko noted.


	98. Song Of Everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 23-Nov-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[love many things, for there lies the true strength, and whosever loves much performs much, and can accomplish much, and what is done in love is done well](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3266685.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also "[Song Of Everything](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=81vCZZ42-cg)" by the Sir Douglas Quintet.

"It's time to start writing songs for your next album," Miku's producer said. "Would you like to do anything differently for this album?"

"I would like to have at least one song with more meaningful lyrics," Miku said thoughtfully. "There's nothing wrong with love songs, but I'd like to push my boundaries a bit."

"That's wonderful," her producer said. "What would you like to sing about?"

"Hopes, wishes, and dreams," Miku said. "Philosophy and science. Conflict and resolution. Life... and death."

"...er, Miku?" said her producer. "We still release your music on CDs, and so we're limited to eighty minutes."


	99. Back Pain And Pleasure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 29-Nov-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[happiness hit her like a bullet in the back](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3266685.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also [_The Young Ones_](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Young_Ones_%28TV_series%29).
> 
> This contains creepy adult humor (because Lily). Reader discretion is advised.

Gakupo and Gumi were getting to know Lily shortly after her initial release.

"I see that you have an ornate [tattoo](http://www.tentaclearmada.com/images/figures/lily-vocaloid/lily-16.jpg) across your lower back," Gakupo said.

Lily winked. "That's one reason why I wear my top open and undone, honey."

"Isn't it painful?" Gumi asked nervously.

"Nah," Lily said. "It's polyester and cotton."

"No," Gumi said, "I mean, having tattoos."

"Oh no," Lily said lustily. "[It's 'just' like having RED-HOT NEEDLES STUCK UNDER YOUR SKIN!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PS842JVuc_A&t=1m2s)"

"Oh, wow!" Gumi said to Gakupo. "She's an exhibitionist AND a masochist!"

"I am no longer the most perverted Internet Co. Vocaloid," Gakupo declared.


	100. Loved To The End And Back Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 5-Dec-2016; general/humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[if you flip it around, it reads 'I love you'](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3272715.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains gratuitous kindness. Reader discretion is advised.

"I know that I've encouraged you to be more creative," Miku's producer said to Miku and a recording engineer, "but are you sure that you want to release a song with [backmasking](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Backmasking)? It's still controversial in some markets."

"Please listen to my hidden message," Miku said earnestly, "before you make up your mind."

The engineer reversed the mix and played back Miku's backmasked message: " _You are important. You are special. You are loved._ "

"Even with twice as many lyrics," Miku's producer said with a smile to Miku, "we could never fit all of the love you have in one song."


	101. Max Bedroom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 20-Dec-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[even I have sleepless nights](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3272715.html)" prompt.
> 
> This joke was stolen from an Imgur dank meme dump. (I think they stole it from Twitter.)

Ruko had invited Teto to her coffeehouse attic bedroom to show off some new furniture.

"This huge Western-style bed looks really comfortable," Teto said, "but I'm amazed that you were able to get it into this tiny room."

"Now that I have a larger bed," Ruko said, "I have less open bedroom, but I have more open bed room."

Teto frowned, repeated this to herself once or twice, and then clutched at her poor head.

"Are you OK?" Ruko asked nervously.

"NO!!" Teto cried tearfully. "BRAIN ALL HURTY!!"

"Why don't you take a nap," Ruko said. "There's plenty of room."


	102. Meant By Commitment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 12-Jan-2017; humor/romance?; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[because she loves him, she is not afraid](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3284216.html)" prompt.

Miku greeted Luka after watching her perform a heartfelt love song in the studio— and nail it in one take.

"That was amazing," Miku said sincerely. "There was so much emotion in your voice, and yet it was so effortless."

"I must admit," Luka said with a sweet smile, "that since I began my relationship with Gakupo, it comes more easily."

"Wow! That's great," Miku said. "If you two are that close, you must not have any fear of commitment, huh? I'll bet you're even ready to marry him."

"L-l-let's not g-g-get c-c-carried away here," a suddenly terrified Luka stammered.


	103. You're Your History

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 1-Feb-2017; humor/romance?; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[I know your secret delight in vice](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3295603.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Miki was returning Piko's laptop after borrowing it for a weekend. "By the way," she said with a grin, "you should've deleted your browser history."

"Nah," Piko said. "I left it for you to find on purpose."

Miki blinked in surprise. "Really?"

"I know we're waiting until we're older to 'go all the way'," Piko said, "but as for my fetishes, I thought you should see what you're getting yourself into."

"Oh," Miki said. "That's actually kinda thoughtful, in a creepy way."

"So," Piko said, "did you remember to delete YOUR search history?"

"...oops," said Miki. "Oh well. Have fun."


	104. Debating A Wait For A Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 6-Feb-2017; humor/romance?; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[the path to love leads through the garden of sin](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3295603.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains kinky adult humor (because Lily). Reader discretion is advised.

Luka walked up to the front door of the Internet Co. house, early one Friday evening, and rang the bell.

Lily answered the door. "Oh hi Luka! Are you picking up Gakupo for a date?"

"Hello, Lily," said Luka. "Yes, that's right."

"I don't see him," Lily said, "but please come in."

"Thank you," Luka said, "but I'll wait for him outside."

Lily's face fell. "Why?" she asked.

"Because," Luka said patiently, "the last time you invited me in, you, Gumi, and Cul ambushed me and tied me up."

"You say that as if it were a BAD thing," Lily said smugly.

"It's terribly rude to kidnap your friends," Luka said sternly, "when they have a previous engagement."

"That's true," Lily said. "Maybe another time?"

Luka reached out and held Lily's chin. "If you're free tomorrow," Luka purred, "I'm free to PUNISH you."

"Yes Ma'am," a suddenly submissive Lily said.

Gakupo walked up and pecked Luka on the cheek. "Hello love. Were the girls trying to tie you up again?"

"Honestly!" Lily cried. "Whenever anyone gets tied up, it's always 'blame Lily'!"

"By the way," Luka asked, "where are Gumi and Cul?"

"Oh, I tied them up," Lily said cheerfully.


	105. Absolute Kasane Territory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 16-Feb-2017; humor/romance?; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[separated by a thin white veil of skin and unmade love](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3295603.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also "[Kasane Territory - Zutto Teto No Turn](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pA5PGVMHhQI)."
> 
> This contains slapstick violence and mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Rin and Teto walked up to Len, and Rin playfully punched his arm.

"OW!!" said Len. "What was THAT for!?"

"You dog!" Rin said slyly. "I saw what you wrote on your girlfriend."

Teto pointed out "LEN WAS HERE" written in her left [_zettai ryouiki_](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zettai_ry%C5%8Diki).

"She wrote that on herself!" Len said indignantly.

"But you WERE there, sweetie," Teto said mischievously.

"Well, yeah," an embarrassed Len said, "but no further— OW!!"

"You DOG!" Rin said again.

"Do I have 'PUNCH ME' written on my arm!?" Len yelled.

Teto wrote "PUNCH ME" on his arm.

"Aw nuts," said Len. "...OW!! OW!!"


	106. They Got Lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 26-Feb-2017; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[different colors for different roads](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3295603.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also "[They Got Lost](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bJn9C-FLByM)" by They Might Be Giants.

Rin was driving her road-roller down an unfamiliar street with Miku riding shotgun and Len in the back seat.

"Which way do we go, 'Miss Navigator'?" an annoyed Rin said.

"Make a left at the light," Miku said while studying a crumpled paper. "There should be a ridge, assuming this map is right."

"No, it's not," Rin said. "That's the crumpled-up wrapper from your leek and tuna sandwich."

"Let's ask that man for directions," Miku said. "...pardon me. Can you tell us where we are?"

" _nzuri, habari yako_?" the man said.

"I don't think we're in Vocalotown anymore," Len noted.


	107. Threesome Harmony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 7-Mar-2017; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[triangle](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3306592.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains more Gumi/Lily/Cul adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Gakupo and a studio musician were playing back a song that Gumi, Lily, and Cul had recently recorded together.

"Just listen to those perfect three-part harmonies," the musician said. "They know each other's voices so well."

"Indeed they do," Gakupo agreed.

"I wonder how they came to know each other so intimately," the musician thought out loud.

They stared at each other for a long awkward moment.

"I live and tour with them," Gakupo said, "and I can assure you that they've actually done everything you're imagining right now... and much, much more."

"Yikes," the musician said.

"Quite," Gakupo agreed.


	108. Teamwork Didn't Work

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 19-Mar-2017; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[I'm like 104% tired!](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3306592.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains video-game violence and weird humor. Reader discretion is advised.

The VIPperloids were playing a video game two-on-two— with very little success on either team.

"Dude!" Teto said to Ruko. "I could use some backup here!"

"[But I am Le Tired](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kCpjgl2baLs)," Ruko whined.

"Well, have a nap," Teto yelled, "then FIRE THE MISSILES!!"

Teto turned to Ritsu. "Could we take twenty? Uh, Ritsu?..."

Ritsu didn't answer. He was watching a drooling Tei going full _yandere_ on him, every other character in sight, and even herself.

"What say we put Ruko to bed, put Tei in her favorite straitjacket, and then start a new game one-on-one?" Teto said.

"Deal," Ritsu agreed.


	109. News Leek

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 28-Mar-2017; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[why am I always last to know?](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3306592.html)" prompt.

"Hey, IA?" asked Yukari. "Why is Miku holding a spring onion in this publicity picture?"

IA blinked in surprise. "Because it's her 'food item'. Miku has always loved her leeks."

"Huh," Yukari said. "I didn't know that."

"...you're JOKING," IA said.

Yukari sighed. "IA, you should know by now that I'm far too preoccupied with my own neuroses to notice anything about anyone else."

"In that case," an unusually snarky IA said, "I should warn you that the sky is blue, water is wet, and you are a very strange person."

"I already knew that last one," Yukari said proudly.


	110. Here After Nine Years

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 9-Apr-2017; angst/general/humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[you have the same book you had nine years ago](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3316945.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains mature themes. Reader discretion is advised.

Miku and Luka were signing autographs after a concert. "Could you sign this tourbook, please?" a fan asked Miku.

"Of course," Miku said. "Goodness! This is from my first tour nine years ago."

"I wanted to see you then, but I suddenly fell seriously ill," the fan said. "This was the first concert I was able to attend."

"I see." Miku returned the signed program. "Please take care of yourself."

"That certainly was a dedicated fan," Luka said.

"Mmm-hmm," Miku said with trembling lip.

"Do you need to have a long cry now?" Luka asked gently.

"Mmm-hmm," Miku said again.


	111. Lawnmower Girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 28-Apr-2017; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[near-fluorescent green fields, smeared with rain](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3316945.html)" prompt.

Gakupo met with Lily in the Internet Co. house just as a lawnmower shut down outside.

"Did Gumi already finish mowing the lawn?" Gakupo asked. "It was still wet from rain."

"She 'souped up' our lawnmower," Lily said, "and she wanted to test it out."

A vaguely Gumi-shaped pile of sticky rain-soaked grass clippings walked up.

"I can't tell where her green hair stops," Gakupo said, "and the grass begins."

"Are you alright, hon?" Lily asked nervously.

"* _HOK_ *!! * _HOK_ *!! * _HAAAUGHK_ *!!" Gumi coughed up a small clump of grass.

"You should install a grass-catcher," Gakupo said, "or keep your mouth shut."


	112. Perform This Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 6-May-2017; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[I've always been this way](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3324655.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).
> 
> See also "[Perform This Way](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ss_BmTGv43M)" by "Weird Al" Yankovic.
> 
> This contains disturbing imagery. Reader discretion is advised.

Ruko found Teto watching a music video on her mobile. "Is that Cyber Diva's new music video?" Ruko asked.

"Yeah," Teto said, "it's crazy weird. She even wears a dress made of raw meat."

"Been there, done that," Ruko said matter-of-factly.

Teto slowly turned to stare dully at Ruko. "I have SO many questions," Teto said, "and yet, I don't really want to know the answers."

"If you dress while you're half-asleep, before you've had your morning coffee," Ruko said, "it's easy to mistake your fridge for a closet and pork chops for a blouse."

"No it isn't," Teto said.


	113. Meanwhile,  Back At The Lab

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 15-May-2017; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[later, now, follow me](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3324655.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).
> 
> This contains weird fanon humor (with Gumi the mad scientist and Lily the mad masochist). Reader discretion is advised.

Lily was watching TV with Cul and Kokone when Gumi walked up. "Hey Lily," asked Gumi, "could you help me with something in the lab?"

"Sure." Lily gave Cul a hug. "See ya later... maybe."

Cul returned her hug. "Good luck... and Godspeed."

Then Lily hugged Kokone. "No tears, OK?" Lily said.

"Please be careful, Lily," an emotional Kokone said.

After Lily followed Gumi away, Kokone turned to Cul. "Why does Lily keep putting herself in mortal danger in Gumi's laboratory!?" Kokone cried.

"She's a perverted thrill-seeker with a high pain threshhold," Cul said.

"I mean BESIDES that!" Kokone wept.


	114. Closing Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 30-May-2017; humor/romance?; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[the end starts now](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3324655.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).
> 
> See also "[Closing Time](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xGytDsqkQY8)" by Semisonic.
> 
> This contains drinking humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Kaito found Meiko swaying to and fro at the bar long after midnight. "It's almost closing time," Kaito said.

"Bartender!" Meiko shouted. "One more fer th' road!"

"C'mon, Meiko," said Kaito. "Haven't you had enough?"

"Whassit ta YOU, Scarfy McScarfpants?" Meiko slurred. "'Sides, we got t'morrow off."

"Well, yeah," Kaito said, "but I wanted to take you out to dinner tomorrow evening."

Meiko's eyes suddenly misted over. "Rilly?... Aw, geez! Yer gonna make me cry!"

"I'm sorry, sweetie," Kaito said patiently.

"But ferst," Meiko declared, "I'm gonna barf all over ya."

"I'm less sorry than a moment ago," Kaito said.


	115. Backstage Pass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 11-Jun-2017; humor/romance; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[just a lover in the shadows](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3326885.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).
> 
> This contains imminent sexytimes. Reader discretion is advised.

Gakupo knocked at the open door of Luka's backstage dressing room. "Luka? I enjoyed your concert perforMMMPH!!"

A half-dressed hot-and-sweaty Luka glomped him and kissed him passionately. "What's got into you?" Gakupo asked.

"I had thought I would be embarrassed to perform in public when you were in the audience," Luka confessed. "But it was an incredible turn-on instead."

"You seemed unusually seductive," Gakupo agreed, "as you do now."

Luka closed and locked the dressing-room door. "I hope you'll take responsibility," she said lustily, "for making me like this."

"As a samurai," Gakupo declared, "I am nothing if not responsible."


	116. Miki A Good Impression

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 18-Jun-2017; humor/romance?; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[relationships aren't that simple](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3326885.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).

Piko was spending an evening with Miki. He was talking with Len on his mobile while Miki took a quick evening shower.

"Got any plans?" Len asked.

"Nah," Piko said. "We're just gonna hang out."

"You should take her somewhere nice," Len said, "and make her feel like a princess."

As if on cue, Miki walked into the room in a tank-top and shorts, her very-long still-wet hair a tangled mess. She took a gulp from a can of cherry soda, and then belched loudly.

"Sup," said Miki.

"...never mind," Len said. "I think I heard that belch from here."


	117. Coffee Spooning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 25-Jun-2017; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[a thread of silver in a tapestry of night](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3326885.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).
> 
> This contains cheesy adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Ruko sat down to coffee with Teto, but squirmed in her chair. "My chest feels weird," Ruko said.

"I'll take your word for it," Teto said dryly.

Ruko reached down the front of her blouse and pulled out a spoon. "I wondered where that had gone!"

"First World Ruko Problems," Teto noted. 

"Haven't you ever lost something in your clothing?" Ruko asked.

A scowling Teto stood up, pulled her collar open, and dropped her own spoon into her blouse. It slid past her petite figure and out of her blouse, and fell to the floor.

"Oh, right," Ruko said. "Sorry."


	118. Pheromoans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 2-Jul-2017; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[everybody's youth is a dream, a form of chemical madness](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3327585.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).
> 
> This contains more Gumi/Lily/Cul adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Gumi and Cul were waiting for Lily to return to the Internet Co. house after an afternoon session at the recording studio.

"It's weird," Cul said. "I missed Lily today, but I was also able to think more clearly and concentrate while she was away."

"I noticed the same thing," Gumi agreed. "I had an unusually productive day in the lab today."

"Do you think Lily's body produces extra powerful sex pheromones, or something?" Cul asked.

"If that were the case," Gumi said, "she'd also distract Gakupo and Kokone— I mean, more than she distracts EVERYBODY. We probably just happen to find her especially attractive."

"That's a good point," Cul said. "I'm bi, but I hardly even notice any girls besides you and Lily."

"And I'm so geeky," Gumi said, "that I don't really even think about sex when Lily isn't around."

As if on cue, Lily walked up. "Hey! Whatcha talkin' 'bout?" she asked.

"I forget," Cul said. "We need to have kinky lesbian sex RIGHT NOW."

"No fair, Cul!" Gumi cried. "I need to have kinky lesbian sex with her too!"

"Girls! Girls!" Lily said reassuringly. "We can ALL have kinky lesbian sex."

"YAY!!" said Gumi and Cul.


	119. Monster And Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 14-Jul-2017; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[I’ll tell you about the monsters another time](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3327585.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).
> 
> This contains fourth-wall breaking mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

"I've been reading fan fiction of us," Miku said to Luka, "and you're the beautiful mysterious stranger in almost every story."

"Well, obviously," an amused Luka said with false immodesty. "I mean, have you SEEN me?"

"I'm serious, Luka!" said Miku. "You're ALWAYS the sexy vampire, or the sexy genie, or the sexy succubus."

"'Sexy succubus' is redundant, sweetie," Luka noted.

Miku crossed her arms, stuck out her bottom lip, and pouted. "I wanna be sexy too," she whined childishly.

"I'm not a monster," Luka said, "but you are SO CUTE right now that I could just EAT YOU UP."


	120. Pick Me Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 23-Jul-2017; general/humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[if you were born with the weakness to fall, you were born with the strength to rise](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3327585.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).

Sonika was visiting with Miriam shorly after [Miriam's retirement](http://www.vocaloidotaku.net/index.php?/topic/63660-vocaloid-miriam-now-completely-unavailable/page__view__findpost__p__1313367).

"Y'know," Sonika said, "I've been thinking of retiring from performing myself."

"Really?" a surprised Miriam said. "Why?"

"I still enjoy performing," Sonika said, "but it's probably time to admit that I'm just not very good at it."

"But your fans love your determination," Miriam said. "No matter how many times you forget the words to your songs, or trip over your own feet, or have a 'wardrobe malfunction'... you just pick yourself up and keep going."

"Thanks, sis." Sonika hugged her older sister. "Hearing that makes me more determined than ever."


	121. Fade Output

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 6-Aug-2017; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[although they are only breath, words which I command are immortal](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3328150.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).
> 
> This contains mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

"You know," Yukari said to IA, "sometimes I wish that my recordings would fade away, or self-destruct, or something."

IA blinked in surprise. "After everybody works so hard to record them? Why?"

"I try to choose my songs carefully, but most of them are still about love or, well, sex," Yukari said. "Hundreds of years from now, people will listen to perfect digital replicas of my songs and think I was a lonely sex-obsessed idiot."

"That hardly matters, Yukarin," IA said with a smile. "Almost EVERYBODY is a lonely sex-obsessed idiot."

"That doesn't reassure me at all," Yukari said nervously.


	122. Oh Honey (part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 16-Aug-2017; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[a sweetvoiced girl](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3328150.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).
> 
> This contains adult humor (because Lily). Reader discretion is advised.

Gumi found Lily writing some notes. "Whatcha working on?" Gumi asked.

"Lyrics for my next single," Lily said. "Wanna co-write them?"

"Sure!" Gumi sat down next to her. "What's the 'hook'?"

"Given my [mascot character](https://danbooru.donmai.us/posts/1147642)," Lily said, "I'm using honey as a theme."

"Oh, like a metaphor for 'the birds and the bees'?" Gumi asked eagerly.

"More like inviting my lover to drizzle honey over my naked body," Lily said, "and then, to lick it off me."

Gumi stared at Lily, and then she stood up again. "You've got this," Gumi said. "And also, [I'll be in my bunk](http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/IllBeInMyBunk)."


	123. Oh Honey (part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 17-Aug-2017; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[far more melodious than the lyre, more golden than gold](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3328150.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).
> 
> This contains adult humor (because Lily). Reader discretion is advised.

Teto and Ruko were listening to Lily's latest song on coffeehouse satellite radio.

Teto teased her love-struck friend. "Are you enjoying your crush's explicit lyrics?"

"I just love Lily's voice," Ruko said sincerely. "I could listen to her read a phone book."

Luna walked up to them with an empty coffee cup. "What are you chatting about?" she asked.

"Would you prefer to drizzle honey over Lily's naked body, and then lick it off her," Teto asked, "or listen to her read a phone book?"

"I'm sure Lily is very nice," Luna said nervously, "but I only wanted a refill."


	124. Braided Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 29-Aug-2017; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[mingled with colors of every kind](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3328150.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).
> 
> Partly inspired by an "explicit" [Yukari/IA fanart](http://seiga.nicovideo.jp/seiga/im3498201). (My fanon IA would enjoy that, but my fanon Yukari definitely wouldn't.)
> 
> This contains weird slapstick violence. Reader discretion is advised.

Miku and Luka were sitting back-to-back while Rin, on a whim, braided their very long hair together. "...done!" Rin said.

Luka found that she couldn't move her head at all. "Your hairstyling is very thorough," she said nervously.

"Could you undo us now?" Miku asked. "I gotta go to the bathroom really bad."

Rin picked at a braid. "Sorry, Miku. It might take awhile. They've pulled tight."

"I don't mind following you to use the toilet, Miku," said Luka. "Just be—"

Miku tried to stand up, and snapped both her head and Luka's backwards.

"...CAREFUL," Luka whimpered.

"Owie," said Miku.


	125. Inoperative

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 12-Sep-2017; humor; 200 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[say not soft things](https://31-days.livejournal.com/2593257.html)" prompt (back-posted to AO3 only).
> 
> Poor Sonika just isn't the sharpest note in the scale.

Miriam had somehow stuffed Sonika into a relatively modest gown and dragged her down to the opera house to watch Prima and Tonio on stage.

The curtains raised on a stereotypical castle scene. "Does this opera have any vikings?" Sonika whispered to Miriam. "I love pointy viking hats."

"* _ssh_ *," Miriam said.

Prima took the stage, with Tonio behind her. "Ooh! There they are!" Sonika waved to the stage, annoying the patrons behind her.

"* _ssh_ *," Miriam said again.

Sonika settled down, but looked around her. "Where's the concession stand? I could go for some popcorn, or maybe a chili dog."

"Sonika, _PLEASE_ be quiet," Miriam said urgently.

"Oh, fine." Sonika opened her purse, rummaged through it, pulled out a hard candy in a cellophane wrapper, and began to unwrap it. * _crinkle_ *

Miriam face-palmed. "Oh dear," she said sadly.

"What!?" Sonika said, forgetting to whisper. "I'm opening it as quietly as I can!" * _crinkle crinkle crinkle crinkle crinkle crinkle crinkle crinkle_ *—

Prima suddenly stopped singing, and a spotlight opened on Sonika.

"Hey! What're ya doin'?" Sonika shouted.

"GO HOME!" Prima snarled. "GO HOME GO HOME GO HOME!!"

Sonika stood up. "I don't have to take this," she said indignantly. "[I'm going home](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b7dNZSXd7CQ&t=0m29s)."


	126. Two Girls For Every Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 18-Sep-2017; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[portrait of a family](https://31-days.livejournal.com/2593257.html)" prompt (back-posted to AO3 only).
> 
> See also "[Surf City](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tj-pPZQyp4U)" by the Beach Boys.

Gakupo and Luka were looking through promotional pictures of Luka and the Crypton Vocaloids.

"I like these 'three-and-three' pictures," Gakupo said. "Miku, Len, and Rin are the cute and playful half of the family, while you, Kaito, and Meiko are the sexy threesome."

"Oh?" Luka said with a gently teasing smile. "I'd thought you might be jealous of Kaito after seeing him with both Meiko and myself."

"I know Kaito is a gentleman who's faithful to Meiko," said Gakupo.

"And?..." Luka asked.

"And," Gakupo added, "I know EITHER of us could BREAK him like a TWIG."

"True," Luka agreed smugly.


	127. Nuclear Fashion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 30-Sep-2017; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[show me that and destroy me](https://31-days.livejournal.com/2593257.html)" prompt (back-posted to AO3 only).
> 
> This contains weird fanon humor (with Gumi the mad scientist). Reader discretion is advised.

"I have something to show you," Gumi said to Lily and Cul. 

"Uh oh," said Lily and Cul in perfect unison. 

Gumi explained. "We all know that Lily, and her clothing, are ultra-sexy... but there's always room for improvement. So, I ran a 3D simulation to model the literally sexiest possible outfit for Lily."

She brought up a picture on a handheld tablet. "What do you think?" Gumi asked.

Cul gasped, immediately suffered a massive nosebleed, and passed out.

Lily gulped. "Well, I'll try anything once... but how would I move, or even breathe, wearing THAT?"

"Not easily," Gumi admitted.


	128. Kittyler Kisser

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 7-Oct-2017; humor/romance?; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[cage your tongue / don’t swallow anything](https://31-days.livejournal.com/3329101.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).
> 
> This contains mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Iroha barged into Miki's room and caught her in mid-kiss with Piko.

"IROHA!! Do you know how to KNOCK!?" a still-breathless Miki cried.

"Do you know how to lock your door?" Iroha replied. "Hey Piko! Can I have a kiss too?" Without waiting for an answer, she grabbed him and kissed him.

Miki scowled. "Piko, you could try to resist her at least a little."

"Can YOU resist me?" Iroha released Piko, grabbed Miki, and kissed her in turn.

"Miki? I really like your friend," Piko said unnecessarily.

"She definitely knows how to use her tongue," an again-breathless Miki agreed.


	129. ONE YukaIA Too (part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 25-Oct-2017; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[your dreams are a mess / they are my masterpiece](https://31-days.livejournal.com/3329101.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).
> 
> Concluded in [part 2](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6080781/chapters/28500908).
> 
> This contains adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

IA found ONE typing on her laptop. "Whatcha working on?" IA asked.

ONE partly closed her laptop. "...nothing," she lied.

"Fan-fiction is nothing to be ashamed of," IA said kindly. "Whom are you writing about?"

"...you and Yukari," ONE said.

IA smiled. "Really? How cute! May I read it?"

ONE reluctantly reopened her laptop. IA began to read... and then, to blush.

"This is really, um... EXPLICIT," IA said.

"Sorry, sis," ONE said nervously.

"It's OK, sweetie," IA said. "I was just surprised."

"I'm sorry I made you the 'bottom'," ONE added.

"Actually, I'm totally OK with that," IA confessed.


	130. ONE YukaIA Too (part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 26-Oct-2017; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[such a skin possible from the closeness](https://31-days.livejournal.com/3329101.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).
> 
> Continued from [part 1](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6080781/chapters/28469080).
> 
> This contains mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

"Yukarin?" asked IA. "I need to show you something. Promise not to get weirded out?"

"Of COURSE not," Yukari said. "What is it?"

IA send a link to Yukari's mobile. "ONE wrote this," IA said.

Yukari opened the link and began to read. "...kudos to ONE," she said. "This is good."

"Wait a moment," IA said. "You're an introvert, but you're OK with explicit fiction of us?"

Yukari shrugged. "I've never claimed to be perfectly consistent or logical about people."

IA hugged her bestie. "I love things like this about you," she said.

"Personal space, IA," an annoyed Yukari said.


	131. Scary Good Scary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 31-Oct-2017; horror?/humor/romance?; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[you are alone by your own doing](https://31-days.livejournal.com/3329101.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).
> 
> Happy Halloween!

A small group of trick-or-treaters reluctantly approached the front door of a stereotypical ramshackle gothic mansion.

A huge man with a Frankensteinish profile promptly answered the door and cheerfully doled out candy. "HELLO, CHILDREN," he said in a deep rumbling voice.

The trick-or-treaters immediately ran away screaming.

Sweet Ann walked up to the doorway. "Al? What did you do?"

"Nothing," Big Al said. "I scared them just by being myself."

Ann raised an eyebrow. "You mean?..."

"That's right," Al said with false immodesty. "I've still GOT IT, baby!"

Ann hugged his arm. "You never lost it, darlin'," she said affectionately.


	132. Heart Hands Attack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 14-Nov-2017; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[how to make a heart](https://31-days.livejournal.com/3329779.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).

Haku and a grumpy Neru were posing together for publicity pictures.

"Could you do a '[heart hands duo](http://safebooru.donmai.us/posts/1302328)' pose?" the photographer suggested.

"What the CENSORED are 'heart hands'!?" Neru growled.

Haku held out her right hand. "Just hold your your left hand like this," she said.

Neru tried to mirror Haku's pose, but then she grimaced. "OUCH!! CRAMP!!" she cried.

"Oh, Neru! You've been so unsocial for so long that your body rejects love!" Haku gave her friend a big hug.

Poor Neru struggled in Haku's arms like a cat at the vet. "AIIEE!!" she shrieked. "THE FEELS, THEY BURN!!"


	133. Meiko Your Bed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 2-Dec-2017; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[a blanket of snow spotted from under the blankets in bed](https://31-days.livejournal.com/3330148.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).
> 
> This contains a gratuitous snuggle party. Reader discretion is advised.

Still half-asleep, Kaito shuddered in his futon, turned towards Meiko, held her arm, and snuggled up to her.

But then, he awoke fully. "Meiko?" he asked nervously. "Have you gained weight?"

"Yes and no." Meiko pulled down her blanket to reveal Miku nestled on her chest. "* _ehehe_ *" Miku said.

"And I can feel the twins snoozing on my legs," Meiko added. "I'm missing only one person."

As if on cue, Luka knocked at the doorway. "That looks like fun," she said. "May I join you?"

"You're just in time," an amused Meiko said. "I have only one free limb left."


	134. Holiday Buzz

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 24-Dec-2017; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[secretly shaking gifts](https://31-days.livejournal.com/3330148.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).
> 
> This contains adult humor (because Lily, and she doesn't even appear!). Reader discretion is advised.

Gumi and Cul were examining presents that Lily had left under the Internet Co. Christmas tree.

Cul picked up a small but heavy package and shook it. "It sounds like I got a handcuffs and shackles set," she said eagerly.

Gumi picked up a larger package and shook it. It began to vibrate while making an unmistakable buzzing noise. "I got 'toys'," Gumi said.

She shook the present again, and then put it back under the tree, but it continued to vibrate and buzz loudly.

"Well, this is awkward," Gumi said nervously.

"At least the batteries are included," Cul noted.


	135. Horror Show Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 8-Jan-2018; horror?/humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[hooped round by the gloom of the night](https://31-days.livejournal.com/3331131.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).
> 
> This contains a _yandere_ RIGHT BEHIND YOU. Reader discretion is advised.

Teto was sitting betwen Ruko and Ritsu as they watched a particularly suspenseful horror movie.

"I might be a half-chimera," Teto said nervously, "but I'm glad I'm not watching this movie alone."

Ruko gave her bestie a snuggle. "If anyone tries to hurt you, they'll have to go through me first."

An unusually friendly Ritsu also hugged Teto. "And they'll also be eating my missiles for lunch."

" _hee hee_ Don't forget ME _hee hee_ ," a bone-chilling voice suddenly said.

Teto froze. "Tei is right behind us and holding a butcher knife, isn't she."

"It's every VIPperloid for his-and/or-herself," Ritsu declared.


	136. Road Roller Runner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 19-Jan-2018; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[I never go as a passenger](https://31-days.livejournal.com/3331131.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).
> 
> This contains slapstick violence. Reader discretion is advised.

Meiko heard Rin's road-roller pull into the Crypton house driveway— and then Kaito staggered into the house, gasping for breath.

"Was Rin chasing you with her road-roller again?" Meiko asked.

"* _hanh_ * * _hanh_ * * _hanh_ *" Kaito said.

Rin and Len followed Kaito into the house. "I wish you would stop trying to crush my crush," Meiko said to Rin.

"I could NEVER run over Kaito!" said Rin. "...he runs too fast."

Meiko turned to Len. "Can't you do something about her?"

"Nope," said Len. "I don't want to get run over either."

"That's understandable," Meiko admitted.

"* _hanh_ * * _hanh_ * * _hanh_ *" Kaito said again.


	137. Turn Your Head And Coffee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 6-Feb-2018; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[this is good but it makes it harder to fall asleep at night](https://31-days.livejournal.com/3332043.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).

Defoko carried a large black coffee up to a table in Ruko's coffeehouse, and took a seat between Teto and Momo.

"Is that Ruko's extra-strong 'capsaicin-caffeine' blend?" Teto asked nervously. "You must like to live dangerously."

Defoko took a big gulp. Her face remained as calm as usual, but her beret cartoonishly flipped into the air.

"This blend is rather strong," Defoko said with characteristic understatement.

"May I try it?" Momo took a sip— and her detachable robot-maid head came free and also flipped in place.

"I've heard of 'flipping your wig'," Teto thought out loud, "but THIS is RIDICULOUS."


	138. Rhythm Section Want Ad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 16-Feb-2018; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[playing the drums is a good way of releasing anger](https://31-days.livejournal.com/3332043.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).
> 
> See also "[Rhythm Section Want Ad](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GgDB2Q_R-Tk)" by They Might Be Giants.

Kaito and Meiko walked up to Luka after a recording session. Meiko was disheveled and soaked with sweat.

Luka handed a bottle of water to her _sempai_. "Goodness, Meiko. You look like you've had quite a workout."

"Thanks, hon." Meiko took a big gulp. "We were just laying down some live bass and drum tracks."

"Why didn't Kaito break a sweat too?" Luka asked.

"I was only playing a simple bass line," Kaito said, "but Meiko was rocking out HARD on the drums."

"Women often have to work much harder than men to get the same recognition," Meiko said dryly.


	139. Born Entertainer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 14-Mar-2018; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[doubt was for things that did not know their purpose, and I knew mine](https://31-days.livejournal.com/3333751.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).
> 
> See also "[Born Entertainer](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OU7IWZ-ClW8)" by Veruca Salt.

"Have you ever thought of changing careers?" IA asked Yukari. "Performing in public as a Vocaloid seems an odd choice for someone like you who doesn't like people very much."

"Nah," Yukari said. "I love to sing. And besides, I took an aptitude test once, and my top result was 'idol singer'."

"Really?" a genuinely interested IA asked. "What were your other results from the test?"

Yukari frowned in thought. "Um... long haul truck driver, forest fire lookout, and polar science camp technician."

IA giggled. "Well, I'm glad you become an idol singer. Otherwise, we REALLY would never have met."


	140. Adequately Prepared To Rock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 26-Mar-2018; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[whatever you do, do it for love](https://31-days.livejournal.com/3333751.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).
> 
> This contains slapstick violence. Reader discretion is advised.

Sonika ran onstage to applause from a standing-room-only theater-sized audience.

"Are you ready to ROCK!?" Sonika cried.

The audience cheered loudly.

"I SAID, are you READY to ROCK!?" Sonika cried again.

The audience cheered more loudly.

"Well, that's too bad," Sonika said, "'cause we're gonna start the first set with a ballad."

The audience immediately lost its energy and fell nearly silent. The stage band lowered their instruments and face-palmed in perfect unison.

"I'm not feeling the love here," Sonika said.

A single over-ripe tomato flew up and smacked Sonika right in the kisser.

"...OK, I felt that," Sonika admitted.


	141. Ice Cream Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 8-Apr-2018; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](https://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[here comes the ice cream man](https://31-days.livejournal.com/3336873.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also "[Ice Cream Man](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sL9ZwmkooBA)" by Van Halen.
> 
> This contains suggestive adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Kaito and Meiko had bought treats from an ice-cream truck parked on a crowded city street.

"It looks like you have some fan-girls," Meiko whispered. She gestured to some girls who were staring at Kaito and giggling.

"Let's see if they're also _yaoi_ fan-girls," a mischievous Kaito said. He licked and sucked his popsicle in a suggestive manner, and then nearly deep-throated it.

The fan-girls squealed and held hands over sudden nosebleeds.

"It looks like they are," Kaito said smugly. "...Meiko?"

A red-faced Meiko was also trying to stop a sudden nosebleed.

"It looks like you are too," Kaito noted.


	142. Galaxy Angel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 28-Apr-2018; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](https://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[swatches of colour](https://31-days.livejournal.com/3336873.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Gumi and Lily found Ryuto having a tea party with an empty chair.

"Drinking tea with your [imaginary space princess](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Imaginary_friend) with the [multi-colored hair](https://www.vocaloid.com/galaco/profile)?" Gumi asked.

"She's real, _nee-san_ ," Ryuto said defensively.

"We're not making fun of you, honey," said Lily. "Just don't become obsessed with your _waifu_."

"Sorry 'bout that," Ryuto said to the chair after Gumi and Lily left.

Galaco re-materialized in her chair. "It's alright. When you grow up, and marry me and become the Galactic Emperor, we'll make them our personal slaves."

"Gumi and Lily are kinda weird," a wise-beyond-his-years Ryuto noted. "They'll probably LIKE that."


	143. Hand In Hand Me Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 7-May-2018; humor/romance?; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](https://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[your hand in my hand](https://31-days.livejournal.com/3337647.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains slapstick violence. Reader discretion is advised.

Miki and Piko had gone to a traditional Japanese festival.

"It sure is crowded," Miki said as the diminutive Vocaloids peeked around taller people.

Piko took Miki's hand and linked fingers with her. "Let's be careful not to get separated."

Miki squeezed her boyfriend's hand— but then, her _ahoge_ stood up. "I smell _takoyaki_!!" she cried.

She began to run for the _takoyaki_ stand, but heard a dull thud. She found that she had yanked Piko completely off his feet.

"You have a good grip," Miki said thoughtfully, "but we need to work on your upper-body strength."

"Ouchie," said Piko.


	144. Rock Steady

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 18-May-2018; humor/romance?; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](https://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[staring in the blackness at some distant star](https://31-days.livejournal.com/3337647.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains a personal favorite crack pairing. Reader discretion is advised.

Teto and Ruko were waiting for an Internet Co. Vocaloid concert to start.

As Gakupo and the Internet Co. girls took the stage for their first song, Teto waved a lightstick and danced in place, but Ruko remained perfectly still.

"Aren't you enjoying the concert?" Teto shouted in Ruko's ear.

Ruko didn't answer— but then, Teto realized that a transfixed Ruko was staring at Lily and watching her every dance move. Teto imagined that she could see red and blue cartoon hearts in Ruko's wide heterochromatic eyes.

_Oh HO,_ Teto thought to herself smugly. _Ruko is DEFINITELY enjoying the concert._


End file.
